Children are affected by illness in the household, just as it affects others in the home. When young people are put into the role of caregiver, without proper explanations or discussions, it can cause much distress to the child, emotionally, physically and mentally. Don’t believe or think that children are too young to be involved in the caregiving process, many parents shelter their children from being around their grandparents due to illnesses but do not realise the harm that this can do. I hear parents saying “They won’t understand”, “they can’t handle it”, “it’s too much to explain to them”, or “they are too young to help”.
Remember, one day you or your spouse may be in a similar situation and, your children may have to perform the role that you are now doing for your own parents. Being knowledgeable gives them the ability to see the signs early and know how to prepare for the future. They will know what conversations to have with professionals about the symptoms being shown.
How will they be prepared? Will they know what to do? YOU are not doing your children any favours by keeping them out of the decision making process. Nothing beats practical experience and, helping them to understand, learn and know from an early age about the challenges that seniors may have, puts them in a better place to make serious life decisions.
Involve your children in
planning for any changes
Talk to them about the changes expected with granny being diagnosed with Dementia. They maybe the first to see the signs and inform you. We are thinking about getting a nurse to care for granddad, why? Because he needs someone to give him insulin, explain what is insulin and why he needs it.
Create a list of “courtesies”
for them to observe
Explain why these are important. Manners, I cannot stress on this enough, how many of us when we get up in the morning say “Good morning mom”, when we go to bed at night “good night granny have a restful night”, when someone helps us “thank you granddad for helping me”. Manners is possibly the most important tool you can teach your child. This will take him or her far in the world and it says something about a child who has manners, but so much more about the parent/s and the time they have taken in the upbringing of this child.
Set an example
Loud music or other youthful pursuits should be moderate for the comfort of others. Playing the latest rap song at a high volume level or watching lewd music videos are a no-no. Many seniors are from a different generation and yes there is a generational gap, but respect must be given and the children/teenagers must be mindful of who is in their company. Parents, you cannot be buffing your teenage son for playing music loud and you are pulling into the yard and blasting music on your car stereo. Lead by example.
Encourage them to join in family
tasks that involve the elder
Foster inter-generational sharing, sit and play a game of cards together- you know most Trini’s love a good game of all fours. Visits to the doctor is also important as they can ask questions that they may have. Please do not tell your child that the question their asking is stupid, there is no such thing as a stupid question, just an opportunity to understand. Encourage them to ask questions and be supportive when they do, “yes, Shane that is an excellent question”
Allow for slip-ups; discuss
special circumstances and limits
Remind children that you once lived in your parent’s home. Now that we are living with grandpa, you can’t be running around screaming and kicking the ball in the house. Granny likes to watch this show, so you cannot be on your PlayStation at this time. If they happen to be rude to granny because she keeps calling him to do things all the time, allow them to express their frustrations and explain to them why granny is being like that. If grandpa keeps saying the same thing over and over, explain what dementia is about and this is part of the illness where granddad would forget what he just said.
Respect privacy
Don’t just barge into your granny’s room, knock and ask to come in. The toilet/bathroom door is not to be left open when in use- there are other people in the house and you cannot be on your phone talking while you helping grandpa. We’d usually laugh at many of these things, but children and unfortunately some adults too do not know this simple basic etiquette.
Allow for time-out
Parents do not expect your teenager to be the hired help and every evening they come home from school. Yes, they are more than able to assist and in many cases they want to. Do not shove it down their throat, making it compulsory that they have to do it. You do not want to feed anger or resentment in this role, you want to show cooperation and teamwork, whilst showing the challenges that they may be faced with when caring for a senior.
Are you a Family Caregiver? Or Were you a Family Caregiver? ALL are Welcomed.
Join - Caregivers Support Group of Trinidad and Tobago
Membership is FREE – Call or WhatsApp - 1-868-310-2742)
Monthly Support Group meeting held 2nd Saturday Every Month 11am to 1pm
Location will be given when you confirm attendance. As our locations are exciting, warm and inviting and always changing. We look forward to meeting you.
Send comments to email ashamungal@gmail.com Or WhatsApp 310-2742