In today's globalised world the chances are great that every child in Trinidad and Tobago will be offered cigarettes, alcohol, addictive prescription pills, marijuana, other illegal drugs, or a number of these substances before they graduate from secondary school.In fact, many will be offered, some on more than one occasion, at least some of these even before the end of primary school. Such has become the evil scourge of the widespread availability of drugs of all types, some very cheaply.Luckily, studies, albeit in the USA, but applicable to our region, show that a child who reaches the age of 21 without smoking, using drugs or abusing alcohol is far less likely to get in trouble with them during his lifetime.
Here in T&T there is no reason not to apply our parenting concerns along the lines of these studies. This, therefore, poses the question: "How do I get my child to age 21 without experimenting with alcohol, cigarettes or addictive prescription pills, marijuana or any other illegal drugs?"
• Children who learn about the harmful nature and risks associated with drugs from their parents are more likely never to try them.
• Every teenager knows someone who has experimented with or uses drugs. Every child has seen it on television and on DVDs in one form or the other.
• Do not fool yourself into thinking that your child, no matter how bright or from whatever social standing or school, is free from being exposed to drug use. Every child is vulnerable.
• Your young child will not always make sound decisions since his or her brain is not yet fully developed. His judgment and decision-making may not be as good as you think.
• Parents are busiest with their careers/jobs during the influential secondary school years when puberty and the seeking of independence and their attendant challenges are most evident.
Parents (or guardians) are the most powerful influence on their child when it comes to drugs.Given this latter fact which has been highlighted, what then should a parent be aware of or look for in their growing child and what strategies should they employ when it comes to drugs?
Here are some possible early warning signs that could be indicative of drugs:
• Changes in personal appearance: hygiene, unexplained marks on skin especially arms and legs, sudden wearing of long sleeves and long pants, burns or discoloration of fingers or lips.
• Changes in habits and actions: recklessness, clenching of teeth, chewing of gum or sucking of mints or use of mouth sprays to cover up cigarette smoke or other unusual scents on breath or clothes, leaving earlier or coming home later, asking for more money, locking of doors, secretive phone calls, unusual appetite changes, avoiding eye contact.
• Changes in behaviour with family members and friends, unusual mood swings and emotional changes, changes in balance and co-ordination, decreased motivation, becoming lethargic, slurred speech, inability to focus, absences for long periods of time.
• Changes at school: lessening or loss of interest in school work, loss of interest in hobbies/sports, complaints from teachers or other reliable sources.
• Changes in health: nosebleeds, seizures, vomiting, excessive thirst, sudden weight changes, skin abrasions/ bruises, sweatiness.
• Other home (or car) related changes: disappearance of prescription or over-the-counter drugs, missing alcohol or cigarettes, missing money, unusual smell or paraphernalia.
TIPS TO HELP PROTECT YOUR CHILD FROM DRUGS:
• Teach early from the time your child enters pre-school. It is never too early to start embedding anti-drug messages into their tender brain which would become your base for repetition right through secondary school. Your goal is to create an awareness so that your child will be less likely to fall for the temptations when you are not around. Research shows that children who are educated about drugs at home are less likely to use drugs than those who have not been taught.
Talk about addiction and lifelong health risks; be graphic. Brainstorm possible scenarios and responses involving drugs. Build strong bonds of trust with your child and teach him or her to make good decisions in a strong and confident manner. Keep your lines of communication open at all times.
• The war against drugs should be waged in the living and dining rooms. Seize opportunities to talk about the dangers of drugs. Show and preach that having fun does not require drugs. Surveys conducted show that many young people who have experimented with drugs say that they learnt nothing about the dangers of drug use (eg marijuana) from their parents. Provide information and encourage your child to engage in conversation. Use statements like, "oh I didn't know that," "Isn't that interesting, tell me more."
• Get to know your child's friends (and parents, too). What kind of group or clique do they hang out with? Such monitoring (and guidance where possible) will give insight and opportunities for you to engage accordingly.
• Limit computer/Internet use. Establish and maintain "family" time and rituals where there are no phone calls or use of computers.
• Set a good example.
Don't just say the right things, do the right things. Actions speak louder than words. It would not make sense if you smoke or drink alcohol and follow the "do as I say and not as I do" adage. Children are wary of parents' hypocrisy. Your child will more likely be inclined to experiment with drugs if they see you "doing" them. "Children learn what they live." "What parents do in moderation their children will do in excess." It should be noted, however, that since ours is a culture of "drinking" and if a parent is indulging in such activity, it should be done in a responsible manner and the child be made to understand that it is strictly an adult thing.
• Be a parent not a pal. Establish clear rules and consequences and sticking steadfastly to them from an early age is your path to success.
• Monitor your child's entertainment. Keep a close watch on their television, DVDs, cellphone and internet usage. Be nosy, snoop if you must. Unsupervised teens are more likely to use drugs and what you may not know will hurt immeasurably. Be informed.
• Encourage hobbies, reading, interests and extra curricula (structured) activities from an early age and continue into the teenage years...do not give up. Keeping them busy increases your chances of keeping your child drug-free.
As a parent you should get involved in your community, ensuring that your streets, playgrounds and schools are safe and drug-free. Start or join a community watchdog group. Participate in your child's PTA. Make a conscious effort to get to know their friends.
• Your child, especially the teenager, will more than likely argue with you about some of your "protective" stances, measures and consequences. Do not fall for this struggle/power trap. Stand firm but fair. You are in charge, not your child.
• Secure your medication in your home so that they cannot be easily accessed. Keep track of your pills and dispose of unused ones. Children may tend to seek relief in "legitimate" drugs and could become addicted fairly easily. Let them know that they can be very harmful if used by those for whom they have not been prescribed.
• Encourage religious-based activities that would build faith and strength and can stabilise emotions during their formative and turbulent years. This will help strengthen their resolve in withstanding peer pressure and the temptations and lure of drugs.
• Note, acknowledge and praise your child for making decisions that are good for his or her body.
• By all means, seek professional counselling if necessary.
And finally: Remember your early days....it is always good to "look in the mirror."