I am on a personal journey of striving for greater self-control and that includes keeping my ego in check. Our ego defines us, gives us a sense of personal identity and self-confidence and from this point of view it is a very positive force in our lives. When we are in this state we naturally project humility and integrity. We are commonly said to have self-esteem and there is no pretence as we present ourselves truthfully to others. But our ego can be a very destructive force in our lives. When we become preoccupied with ourselves we display an inflated ego and we are said to be egotistic, arrogant and conceited. In this state we are prone to present ourselves as being better than we really are. Lying becomes a habit as we try to cover up our deep insecurities. We are unnecessarily boastful and trapped in a world of false bravado and noisy chest-beating. The egotist tends to believe that he/she knows everything and is intolerant of the opinions of others. The egotist sees criticism as a personal attack and is prone to frequent temper tantrums.
The inflated ego is a negative emotional state that is driven from our primitive brain and especially from the tiny peanut-size organ called the amygdala. Our primitive brain functions at the unconscious level and hence we are mostly unconscious of our behaviours since consciousness and our power of reason come primarily from our cerebral cortex or higher brain. Hence, when we are under the influence of the inflated ego we lose the ability to objectively look at ourselves and our behaviours as we exhibit the more primal behaviour of selfishness, which can sometimes become narcissism. With an inflated ego we become insensitive to the pain we inflict on the people around us and especially on those we claim to love. Interestingly, the people around us can easily see the stupidity of our behaviours while we blindly walk around displaying the more primitive side of ourselves. In my workshops I regularly ask the question: "Do you enjoy being in the company of someone who is arrogant?" The answer is always a loud no. Yet, many of us continue to display these antisocial behaviours.
Egotism is perhaps the single big-gest behavioural disease plaguing the people who hold positions of power and from whom leadership is expected. Power seems to have a way of "going to the head" and displacing our higher brain such that the primitive brain directs our thoughts and behaviours. The destructive power of the inflated ego tends to be most visible in those who hold the highest office, such as our politicians, managers and CEOs. In my own life I have had to reign in my ego from time to time. I have learnt to become more conscious of its destructive power and how it can displace my sense of calm and reason and lead me into a state of pretending to be who I am not. I am on what could be a life-long journey of trying to keep my ego in check. I am sometimes told that if I write the truth about my personal struggles for greater self-control that it will make me look weak and take away from my ability to spread the message of Leading From Above The Line. Some of my well-meaning friends believe that I should be out there beating my chest and singing my own praises if I am to be noticed by others. In other words, I am being advised to present myself untruthfully so that I look good and somehow in doing so I will earn the respect of others.
The "wisdom" in this advice is that I should cover-up my weaknesses and thus present my self as a liar. I have chosen to strive to be otherwise, but at the same time I recognise that old habits don't die easily. Revealingly, I have discovered that the more I seek to bring truth into my life, the more I become aware of the extent to which I have been and continue to be untruthful. This is one of the painful truths that I have had to confront as I continue to embark on my journey of self-discovery. I have also learnt that if I am to change for the better I must first be truthful to myself by acknowledging my own shortcomings and vulnerabilities. I have found that periodic introspection helps me to free myself from my amygdala-induced self-delusion and to have greater clarity on my behaviours and in particular on my own personal shortcomings. It also helps me to strengthen my commitment to change for the better. In July 2002 following one of my introspection exercises I wrote the following missive on myself:
Of all the negative emotions, the one I battle with the most is the ego
It has a habit of emerging in an inflated form when I least expect it
It is time to honestly master my ego
To get over the ego threats
"Why does it well up like that?"
Overpowering my rational mind
I will conquer it!
It must not remain in control of me
I must develop greater consciousness
I must engrave my self-control pathways
Forget self
Forget reputation
Focus on the process
Focus on the message
Forget praise
Welcome criticism
Live honestly
Seek freedom
Forget riches
Forget security
Forget admiration
Escape the world of materialism, fame and power
Leave behind the world of cleverness, competition and imitation
Let go of manipulation, coercion and cunning
Be contented
Simplify life
Reduce desires
Eliminate desires
Shut up!
Listen!
Do not be judgmental
Work with all
Listen more!
Listen more!
Trust life
Trust the process
Do not force it
Let it unfold
Give of myself
Cultivate the abundance mentality
Live simple
Eat simple
Dress simple
Grow spiritually
Be open
Embrace humanity with all it strengths and weaknesses
Share freely!
I am still on that journey. It has proven to be much more difficult than I initially thought but I am energised to continue because I am in a much better place than where I was in 2002. Frequent introspection and the continuous striving to grow my positives through strengthening the five sources of my inner power continue to give me a sense of hope that greater progress can be made in my journey for greater self-control. I invite you to join me on this quest.