Sto­ries emerged re­cent­ly al­leg­ing that stu­dents at the Uni­ver­si­ty of the West In­dies were be­ing paid to post pro-Gov­ern­ment and an­ti-Op­po­si­tion com­ments on news­pa­per Web sites, and giv­en free Black­ber­rys with un­lim­it­ed In­ter­net ac­cess to help them earn their pay/be­smirch the Ne­groes. Now, in a place where any­thing can be sold, and cheap, it's not sur­pris­ing some clown came up with the idea of man­u­fac­tur­ing spon­ta­neous self- praise; but did they think they had to pay to get peo­ple to make ra­bid pro-UNC and an­ti-PNM state­ments?On­line news­pa­per com­ments re­veal, not on­ly the poster's po­lit­i­cal al­le­giance, but their fa­nati­cism; and, sad­ly, their IQ. The coun­try would be bet­ter off if some­one paid them to watch porn in­stead. In pre-In­ter­net days, these sad losers would be bor­ing strangers in Wood­ford Square. They can't find jobs for them­selves, but can solve the prob­lems of the na­tion, if you on­ly buy them a nip.

It would be dou­bly odd if the PNM was al­so pay­ing their dogs to bark at the UNC on­line, be­cause the fore­most symp­tom of "PNM-'til-ah-dead" stu­pid­i­ty is the will­ing­ness to shout blind sup­port at top vol­ume at short no­tice and to great length. For free. In­deed, diehard PN­Ms would will­ing­ly pay, funds al­low­ing or ten-days pro­vid­ing, to be al­lowed to scream for the par­ty, prefer­ably in a par-ty, while win­ing down: We like it so.If the PNM were pay­ing their blog­gers, it would ac­tu­al­ly be tre­bly odd be­cause, since Mr Man­ning up­set the Trea­sury ap­ple cart, the PNM is pen­ni­less. Tri­ni-da­di­an po­lit­i­cal par­ty fi­nanciers throw mon­ey be­hind on­ly the PIP: the Par­ty In Pow­er. (Mon­ey would be no prob­lem for the UNC be­cause you can eas­i­ly imag­ine some­one-al­most any­one-in pow­er in Trinidad hap­pi­ly mis­spending State funds to pay the fake pro-UNC com­ment-posters (im­posters?). Con­sid­er the rush of news­pa­per ads every elec­tion, every min­istry sud­den­ly feel­ing com­pelled to re­port its progress to the cit­i­zen­ry, us­ing big colour pic­tures of the min­is­ter; or the state ve­hi­cles used to shut­tle par­ty sup­port­ers around; or the par­ties at the palace, the ham­pers, the dol­lar-fetes, the make-work schemes, the whole, piti­ful she­bang. Every­one in Trinidad is a mi­ni-Louis XVI, know­ing in his heart, "L'etat, c'est moi."But I was in­trigued by the idea enough to try it out my­self. Here then, is a neu­tral sto­ry, as at­tacked by/latched on to by UNC and PNM "blog­gers." Every­thing you see be­low was made up by me, and I have been paid to do it; which puts me in the run­ning for a free Black­ber­ry, a Cab­i­net gig or a 30-grand-a-month job as Spe­cial Imag­i­nary Me­dia Ad­vis­er To and iPad-and-Cig­a­rette-Car­ri­er For the PM.

Cur­few killing diningin­dus­try, snack­ettes

Kao Dung, the el­e­gant Chi­nese restau­rant at Bow-Bow Plaza, closed its doors yes­ter­day, send­ing home 30 work­ers, in­clud­ing valet park­ing lot at­ten­dants, kitchen staff and head bar­tender, Sly Thiev­ing-Bas­tard, who worked for Kao Dung for 30 years. Pro­pri­etor Rich Wanker claimed he had done every­thing he could, in­clud­ing per­son­al­ly guar­an­tee­ing debts to sup­pli­ers and or­gan­is­ing cur­few pass­es, trans­port and overnight ac­com­mo­da­tion for staff in an at­tempt to keep the restau­rant open un­til the last minute of the 11 pm-4 am cur­few. "It's be­tween 11 pm and mid­night that peo­ple will or­der a bot­tle of cham­pagne or co­gnac," said Wanker. "That's when we make our mon­ey. Fine din­ing is not an eat-and-run ex­pe­ri­ence." Kao Dung is the third restau­rant to close since the cur­few was im­posed. Bow-Bow Plaza man­ag­er, Gree D Firetruck, said a new ten­ant, one Miss Doris, would open a spe­cial­ist par­lour of­fer­ing a lux­u­ry line of rock cake and mau­by.

Post­ed by Dem N---er Too F---Up: I kno it woul­da buss be­caw the UNC sor­ry Peo­ple Part­ner­ship res­cue this na­tion and Kao Dung from the Mad Em­per­or, thanks God for Kam­la, I will eat the fry rice even if is fack­ing dog rice ppl don't care bout the coun­try it have no pas­try-tism again.Post­ed by F--- All C---lie:: Is be­caw you want every­body to eat roti with they hand is why you put that but we go fix all you like Cro-Cro say we go kid­nap you soon as cur­few done.Post­ed by UWI Stu­dent: This is why the cur­few and the glo­ri­ous state of emer­gency that has saved the coun­try must be ex­tend­ed un­til the next elec­tion and protest march­es be banned. Hard­work­ing In­di­ans, sor­ry, cit­i­zens, hard­work­ing In­di­an cit­i­zens who keep their restau­rants open so well de­serve sup­port. Thank God and the UNC Kao Dung did not close. [Please re­mit $250 and a Black­ber­ry hands­free-kit. To: se­mi-pro­fes­sion­al ser­vices ren­dered.]

Post­ed by My God­dess Kam­la: The state of emer­gency has made the restau­rant in­dus­try stronger be­cause crime is down. Kao Dung is a clos­et PNM who has on­ly closed his restau­rant to spite the Moth­er of the Na­tion.Post­ed by Fear of a Black Par­lia­ment: She is not the Moth­er of the Na­tion, she is the Moth­er...Post­ed by Fear of a Black Par­lia­ment: Why these In­di­an, Chi­nee and Syr­i­an cow­ards on­ly cen­sor­ing my free speech to say that Kam­la is the Moth­er...Post­ed by UWI Stu­dent with A The­saurus and Paid by the Word: Con­trary to, de­spite, re­gard­less of the lies, fibs, un­truths, half-truths, in­nu­en­does, pre­var­i­ca­tions of well known PNM sup- porter, Rich Wanker, the restau­rant in­dus­try is thriv­ing, bur­geon­ing, flour­ish­ing, blos­som­ing, boom­ing, boost­ing, pros­per­ing, do­ing well. ANTONYM: de­cline, with­er. [Please re­mit $350].Post­ed by The One Sen­si­ble Per­son Who Both­ers: Our coun­try is falling apart be­cause of this naked par­ti­san­ship. Peo­ple are los­ing jobs. A per­ma­nent state of emer­gency is called "a po­lice state."

BC Pires is not an­ti-gov­ern­ment. In­deed, he will sup­port the first sign of it he sees. Read a longer ver­sion of this col­umn at www.BCraw.com