International Men's Day being celebrated on Saturday has not caught fire-at least not at the moment. Then again, this is a day that was birthed just three years ago. One could argue that its creation is indicative of an existential void in today's men. That men seem lost and unable to appropriately respond to the new dynamics of gender politics is not altogether a new observation. Approached by Dr Jerome Tee-lucksing of UWI to consider an article on the occasion, I thought deeply. I read and reread the following excerpt found on the International Men's Day (IMD) Web site:
"For some, the journey from childhood to manhood is an exhausting struggle with academic performance, self-esteem, and health issues. It is a journey that is further complicated by the lack of access to positive male role models and mixed signals and misinformation about masculinity, fatherhood, and the rules of engagement for courtship and marriage which are transmitted daily by music videos, films, television situation comedies, the print media, and segments of society. "Is it any wonder that some of our sons-the next generation of fathers-upon reaching puberty descend into an abyss of confusion and despair?
"Have the adults of the world inadvertently and collectively overlooked the unique psychological and intellectual needs of boys-our sons-the next generation of fathers? What do we need to do to provide them with viable options, resources and support services; fire up their imagination; and restore their faith in themselves and in humanity?" I recognised the enormity and sensitivity of the subject. Yes, sensitivity. "Every day is men's day," I was told time and time again-by women-as I initiated work on this subject. I smiled, refusing the challenge. I guarded my unsettling feelings on the matter, deferring to an "authority" in the field. I needed one capable of speaking on all levels-political, cultural and spiritual. I needed to go beyond the thesis of IMD and explore further, to see where it might take me.
And like a messenger sent to stir, if not confirm, my thoughts, Matt Steen showed up (well, not literally). A youth pastor for eight years in the Garden community in Baltimore and now a business consultant, he has worked in communities ravished by what he called hopelessness. "Fatherlessness was staggering," he said, "and so too was crime." For 45 minutes we talked over lunch. I listened, attentively. He was saying the right things-lack of positive or unrealistic role models. Yes, how our youth wish upon a star-to become athletes, singers, actors, rappers. Of such misguided idealism we are well aware. So I pried deeper. Steen responded: "It's about time that the regular 'Joe' is emulated for the hard and honest work he puts in. You know, the electrician, the police officer, the contractor. Boys need that rite of passage where they are validated by their fathers. Men and women are different and children need both parents."
Steen was getting hotter. But not hot enough. "What we need is mentoring programmes and more Police Athletic Leagues. It worked quite well in the inner cities in Baltimore and helped break distrust, improve police relations with the community and reduce crime. It's a great investment of human resources." Again, well said, but I needed to veer this discussion to a different place, where few are willing to openly delve, especially in an era of political correctness. "Do you think that men in general are being systematically emasculated, you know, tables turned?" Matt paused, his words well selected: "For sure there is a male identity crisis. Society over the past decades have worked on levelling the playing field, more like creating an androgynous society but it has emasculated the male figure in the process.
"Private and government-funded organisations have empowered and empowered girls and young women-and that's fine, but boys are forgotten and lost in this new dynamic. "There is now a need for psychological adjustment on all levels and this is not happening. There are now real problems in schools, homes and the workplace. I have seen boys in submissive roles in my work as a counsellor. Boys are confused regarding their role and interaction with their female counterparts." But there is more. What about the heavy dose of male bashing on sitcoms? This is no longer about gender equality. And oh, the words of Bill Cos-tello, president of Making Minds Matter, who stated: "In American schools, boys are underachieving and girls are excelling. This gender gap in academic achievement is evident as early as kindergarten. The longer students are in school, the wider the gap becomes.
"Boys are more likely than girls to earn poor grades, be held back a grade, have a learning disability, form a negative attitude toward school, drop out or get suspended or expelled." The situation is no different in the UK and other parts of the world. It is more widespread than we think. Yet, we hear only about girls and women issues. I was lost in the gravity of the situation until Steen recaptured my attention, asking rhetorically, "Who is investing in men? Are there organisations for men?" He decried "the hypersensitive society," where "things that need to be said cannot be said." He continued: "We live in a society where you are shouted down as cavemen if you try and reclaim your manhood and redefine your role as a leader."
He recalled the extent to which author John Eldredge, and the evangelical group the Promise Keepers were maligned by feminists.
"You are even restrained from promoting male bonding and sharing. You know, guys time out? Every word and action is monitored. There is a lot of suspicion that men want to turn back the clock." "What's the solution?" I asked. "I believe that the framework is already there-the home, educational institutions, religious houses etc, but we must boldly ask the tough questions on male identity, and find solutions." I left Steen, troubled. Dark clouds are gathering, for sure. But there was something more disturbing. It dawned on me that I needed Steen to channel my feelings. I just couldn't openly convey them-fearful that I too could be shouted down as another male chauvinist pig.
• Dr Glenville Ashby is the foreign correspondent for the Guardian Media Group