I know that I promised to reveal the shocking and surprising CXC English language results for my students at YTC, but that will have to wait until next week. Because of the Carnival interlude, I was unable to speak to my students about my plans for the last column, and in all fairness to them, I wanted to make sure that they are comfortable with a column that will reveal their exam results.
I have always made sure that my students knew about my columns that chronicled our academic journey. A journalist must feel free to write whatever she needs to write, but I did not go into this venture as a journalist. I was a teacher and there are boundaries that come with that discipline. This has been a delicate balancing act between being a journalist and being a teacher.
It took me 16 months to decide to write about my students, and the deciding factor for me was that I wanted everyone to meet the most amazing group of young men I have ever known. Their diligence, focus, trust and intelligence blew me away. Their inability to take anything in life for granted-including love and support-moved me to tears.
Yes, I agonised over the decision about whether or not to write about my students, but in the end I felt that it was an extraordinary opportunity for people in T&T to get to know young men who represent a side of this country that most people have come to fear. I thought it was an opportunity to look at some of the challenges of our educational system. I felt this would be an opportunity to see how at-risk teenage boys approach learning.
I always had my students' privacy in mind, and I couldn't help but feel protective. I never wanted my students to feel exploited. At the same time, I knew that I would never be able to do full justice to the experience that we all shared. There is a bond that develops between students and teachers-at least we strive for a bond-that facilitates learning. This was a bond that we all had to work hard at. We had to suspend many prejudices; we had to develop a sense of trust. For my students to believe in my direction and follow me through all my academic experiments still means the world to me. They gave me confidence like I have never experienced in my life. I hope that I gave them back at least ten per cent of what they gave to me.
My students always knew the assignments that I would feature in these columns. I had saved much of their work-as I have always done with all my students-because I like to chart students' progress. I asked permission to use their work, and even took copies sometimes to remind them exactly what was in the assignment in case they had forgotten. I remember saying, "You have to tell me what the boundaries will be for writing about you. There is no one thing that I have to write about. Anything can be left out if it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable."
During those many weeks that we spoke about the possibility of writing about them, my students made only one request: "You can write anything you want, Miss. The only thing we ask is that you don't write anything to make people pity us," said Jahmai. "We don't want pity. We can handle anything: disappointment or even hate-but not pity." All my students agreed with Jahmai. That was their only stipulation, and it remained their only request. They never asked me to censor anything I wrote.
This is the amazing group of young men I taught: Jahmai, Marc, Sherwyn, Kheelon, Kevon, Kendell and Olton. They have never blamed anyone for their lives or their circumstances. I wanted so much more than passes on the CXC English language exam for them. I wanted them to experience true learning. I wanted them to know themselves better. "English," I told them, "is about learning how to express yourself." I wanted them to be able to think about their decisions in life, and grow into young men who will contribute to T&T. I know they will all go on to be productive citizens.
One of my students once said, "Miss, how do you feel coming inside YTC to teach knowing that there are people inside this institution who have committed heinous crimes? Tell me Miss, and don't sugar-coat it." I replied, "I thought about that when I first came here, and I realised I can't dwell on where you young men came from or where you are now. I can only be concerned about where you are going in the future." "That's a good answer," my students said.
I have gone beyond hoping for a better future for T&T. I'm trying to do my little part to create a better future for a place I love-a place that has been very good to me. If I have accomplished anything, it is because of these amazing young men who made T&T mean so much more to me.
• Next week: The shocking and surprising CXC English language results
