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Let’s form a Planass Party
What is wrong with mankind
why they always blowing mih mind
If I slip and I fall down
Man telling me I am wrong
Anytime I do a wrong I am bound to know it
My conscience is very strong
You better believe it
When man conscience beating them
And they mind in trouble
They go off on other men
To hide they own evil
—Doh Mess Wid Mih Head, Mighty Shadow
You don’t know me but I was one of the 45,000-plus people who saw you behave like a wajang on Youtube. I was real vex too, because I know Gregory Wight to be a gentle, funny soul. And although I’ve only met him once, I know his wife and his children and I lime in his house and I feel that gives me enough right to feel protective of him.
I mean, hoss. I have to give you props for being armed and ready for battle all the time. I am only a tree-hugging hippy and the only defence I have is sarcasm, which really is not the kind of weapon that could help you out on the mean streets of Port-of-Spain. Hear nah, I couldn’t watch the whole thing, fuss I wanted to vomit. You didn’t stick at all. The man tell you something you didn’t like and you deal with the case one time. Like a boss. But I suppose you really are a boss.
Because your father have a big post and is your time now and who the hell is this white man telling you to take off your car. Look, I am not into violence at all. But maybe licks is the only thing that can save us now. Because voting didn’t bring the change that we thought it would. I am proposing we become a kind of dynamic duo. You the brawn and I the brains. I think we should start a planass movement of national unity.
Maybe Uncle Jack could give you a sub-contract, in the spirit of keeping it in the family, to do some pre-emptory strikes on the criminal elements who are so farse and out of place as to have us under siege. But before you start on them, I have a few other people I think you should sort out. I really think the charity should begin at home. So why don’t you start with your own father?
Firstly for bringing up a child who could behave so low. I mean, if a minister son could be beating a man with a cutlass normal so in the road, what is stopping all those half-man and woman walking around the nation’s schools from pulling similar stunts in their classrooms?
But on the question of schools, you could even start a planassing as an indigenous martial tradition course. It would put your skills to good use and it would also make the education system a little more relevant to local culture and history. Next you could start to rain blows on the rest of the Parliament. Please, beat them all.
The PNM and the UNC and the COP and any other self-serving acronyms up in there. Please roll up and start to pelt your blade because like they forgetting who they supposed to be working for. They can’t seem to get this whole leadership thing right. And that is a big disrespect to the whole country and somebody need to do something about it. I feel you are the best man for the job, yes.
Next on my planass list are all those Carnival bandleaders who are more interested in the business of Carnival than the creativity. You know who I talking about. The ones charging $9,000 for stock-photography mas. The ones who make you send your physical dimensions before they could say whether you could play mas in their section. Speaking of Carnival, pelt some blows behind the soca mafia too. And all the radio stations that only play local music three months out of the year.
What about the police? I find you could beat the police that took so long to find you. That take so long to launch an investigation that town say you had time to fly out before they could find you. I find you should deal with them because that is not just inefficiency. That is classic out-of-timing behaviour. Is your time now in truth, Shane boy. Is your time now. So play yourself.
But you look like a frustrated fellar and beating people might be the only thing giving you any kind of release. So maybe if you combined your frustrations with a more righteous form of indignation, that might help you choose your planasses a little more wisely.
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