Guilty and shocked. That's how I felt when I read about the "new" science that says it is not a wise idea to keep telling your children how smart they are. In their number one New York Times bestselling book Nurture Shock, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman say that recent research suggests you could ruin children's chances of academic success by telling them how smart they are. "It's a neurobiological fact," the authors say.
A survey by Columbia University included in the book says that 85 per cent of American parents think it's important to tell their children they're smart. The constant praise is meant to motivate children."The presumption is that if a child believes he's smart, (having been told so, repeatedly) he won't be intimidated by new academic challenges."But the study shows that constant praise means children take less chances.
"Those who are praised for their efforts in tests often do worse on the next test," say the authors.The problem is once something becomes difficult, that "smart" child gives up.
"For a few decades, it's been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top ten per cent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. They adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort and they overrate how much help they need from a parent. Even preschoolers weren't immune to the inverse power of praise," Bronson and Merryman write.
This is not to say that parents should not praise their children. Praise can be effective if it is perceived to be sincere."...The biggest mistake parents make is assuming students aren't sophisticated enough to see and feel our true intentions. Just as we can sniff out the true meaning of a backhanded compliment or a disingenuous apology, children, too, scrutinise praise for hidden agendas. Only children under the age of seven take praise at face value. Older children are just as suspicious of it as adults," the authors say.
Nurture Shock clearly shows just how damaging insincere praise can be.A study by psychologist Wulf-Uwe Meyer found that by the age of 12, students felt that a teacher's praise meant you lacked ability and you needed encouragement. It did not mean you were smart.
"In the opinion of cognitive scientist Daniel T Willlingham, a teacher who praises a child may be unwittingly sending the message that the student reached the limit of his innate ability, while a teacher who criticises conveys the message that he can improve his performance even further."
Teachers are often told to talk only about a child's strengths. There is a movement to wipe out constructive criticism because it is perceived as negative feedback, but this is what children really need to grow academically. Without being aware of the mistakes they make, and a feeling that they can learn from those mistakes, children don't grow academically or socially. They suffer in silence not understanding why they are making mistakes, and they even feel that they have disappointed themselves or others.
Cheating has also been associated with frequently praised children."Students turn to cheating because they haven't developed a strategy for handling failure. The problem is compounded when a parent ignores a child's failures and insists he'll do better next time."
Michigan scholar Jennifer Crocker says the child receives a message that failure is "something so terrible, the family can't acknowledge its existence. A child deprived of the opportunity to discuss mistakes can't learn from them."
One fascinating study included in this book shows how important it is for parents to address their children's failure. Dr Florrie Ng, a young scholar at the University of Illinois, conducted an experiment in Illinois and in Hong Kong. After students sat through IQ tests, the teacher in the experiment informed parents of the results. The teachers told parents the actual score and then they told a lie: that score represented a below-average result.
With hidden cameras rolling, American mothers "carefully avoided making negative comments. They remained fairly upbeat and positive with their child, but spoke about what they would have for dinner. They tried to take the child's mind off of the test. Chinese children were likely to hear, 'You didn't concentrate when doing it. Let's look over your test.' The majority of the break was spent discussing the test and its importance."
The study says that on the second test, after the break, the Chinese children's scored jumped 33 per cent–more than twice the gain of the Americans."The researcher noted that both sets of parents smiled and hugged their children. The Chinese mothers did not frown or raise their voices. Their constructive criticism had not been interpreted in a negative way, but they did address the issue.Praise should be about concentration and effort.
"Children should be praised for listening to instructions carefully. In games, praising a child for being alert, passing the ball and being a team member, working hard to get the ball is more important than just saying 'You played great,'" the authors say.
This is the "new" science of praise, and it makes sense.
