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Drink a Rum and a Ponche Hebrew

Published: 
Friday, December 20, 2013
THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY

The Book of Kenrick Part XI

Two years ago I was called by my Uncle Godfrey—God the Uncle—to sum up the Bible in the voice of Kenrick, the kind of bredren who can’t afford to buy half-a-dozen eggs all year long, and don’t know how to fry one if he could, but, at Christmas-time, distributes the best pastelles anyone ever tasted to the whole neighbourhood.

 

This Christmas Friday, Kenrick and I skip forward from Genesis 18 to the Gospels according to both Matthew and Luke to précis what Catholics and the Christians that evolved from them call “the Nativity Story.”

 

 

Because Matthew is thin on plot and Luke omits important stuff (like the murder of every Jewish baby in Nazareth by Herod—you’d have thought he might have remembered that) to get the whole nativity story, you have to combine Matthew and Luke, like how you have to read the weekly as well as daily press in Trinidad to figure out what’s really happening. 

 

I’m doing a summation because the Bible contains too much meaningless stuff to translate. I chose the King James Version as the one Pentecostals accept as the Word of God, even if it was actually agreed upon by civil servants working for a probably homosexual English monarch 1,611 years after God came in person to give it.

 

 

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