10 things I did not know last week

“Do you have chives?’’ my rich and fabulous American friend Elle asked. “I need chives for the chicken breasts. I hate bland chicken without chives for the seasoning.’’

By the third “chives’’ I was ready to beat her senseless with the naked chicken breasts right there in her own renovated kitchen. She pronounced the “ch’’ as in chair and hissed the “s’’ at the end. Americans do that. At first, I thought she was having a stroke or something. Thanks to Elle, I am so much more enlightened than I was a week ago.

Here is what else I discovered on my journey of continuous learning.

1. There is no law against Americans mispronouncing perfectly good names of herbs. There should be.

2. I am not going to get any smarter, no matter how many crossword puzzles I complete. But I am getting better at pretending.

3. I have perfect blood pressure. The fluttering of my heart is not a sign of a heart attack. 

4. Changing gears in a stick-shift pick-up is not that difficult. It is almost fun.

5. A pack of mango anchar contains a huge amount of calories.

6. A brisk 45-minute walk burns only about 200 calories.

7. My secret talent is music. An online quiz told me so. My piano teacher owes me an apology.

8. If I were a Star Trek character, I would be Bones.

9. The Robocop storyline has not improved with time.

10. I am not getting any thinner.

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