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I wanted elves, but got gremlins
Once upon a time there was a poor shoemaker who had but one piece of leather left. He went to bed, his heart light despite his pennilessness because his conscience was clear. He intended to get up early to make the last pair of shoes. When he got up at dawn, the shoes were already made and of such a high quality, a rich customer paid more than the usual price.
In the night, elves had visited and sewed the shoes for the poor cobbler. They had worked so deftly, that not one false stitch could be found on the shoes.
Those were the clever, skilful, happy elves.
I got the other elves.
The kind who sneak into the house while I am asleep and inject extra calories into everything in the fridge and pantry. The kind who secretly unpick the seams of all my clothes overnight and then sew everything a size smaller.