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Charter of chaos

Monday, April 14, 2014

The editor-in-chief of this paper has proceeded on vacation leave without first telling me, asking my permission, or so much as kissing my ring.


Well, just goes to show you think you know a person and then….


I am torn between ignoring the disappearance, the way the Queen studiously ignores fashion trends, and torturing Madam Editor “in absentia.” Boy oh boy, there has got to be some good stuff in my revenge lockbox that I have not tried out in years.


What revolt, what mischief, what fun can the mice create while the cat’s away? I was thinking of writing this entire column without punctuation but that would be just cruel. 


We could wrap everything in her office in aluminium foil and leave a fake note from the public health inspector about punctuation-eating bacteria. Or someone could send an e-mail telling her she has won a lifetime 24-hour entry pass to the National Archives. The disappointment will floor her when she figures out the prank.


What greater punishment could there be than everyone writing “normalcy’’ instead of “normality’’? How about saying enormity when we mean enormousness, unto instead of on to? Better yet, we could wear floral with plaid.