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Don’t spell it Elsa...it should be Alesyah!
This is terrible news. I have been spelling my name incorrectly all my life. It is not Elsa. It should be Alesyah. Or possibly Eylehsya. How about Illsahah?
The bulletin came in the mail from the secret but very powerful Society for the Correction of Names (SCN), headquartered in Slovenia, where they write lots of words without vowels and so their citizens are world leaders in weird spellings.
The poster girl for this organisation is a woman named Airwrecka McBride of Memphis, Tennessee. That’s right.
That is indeed her name. Not Erica, silly. Pay attention, now.
Airwrecka and her hipster, rapster name became news items recently when she voiced support for a new controversial charter school in her community, where some parents complain there are not enough black teachers.
Her name almost pushed civil rights and race relations off the headlines.
Given the worldwide shortage of unique but pronounceable names, it became necessary to invent clever new spellings for boring, old appellations.
Otherwise, everyone would have to tote around stupid celebrity-type labels like Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter) and North (Kanye West’s daughter) or Sage Moonblood (son of Sylvester Stallone).
At least, he didn’t call the boy Rambo (Rhambohe, Rambhojh, Ruahmbaugh).