Back in my childhood days my adopted mother (the late Mrs Mildred Lezama, herbalist and an unqualified midwife) always taught her string band of similar charges whom she brought up at Quarry Road, San Juan, that "bad company carry you but never bring you back." This, loosely translated, meant they took you under their wings, you went along with them. But in times of trouble that they themselves helped you get into, they were never around to pull you out of your predicament. Is you to catch.
This still relevant adage came forcibly to mind on reading of the unfortunate death of single mother Seema Balkaran, who was brutally gunned down outside a liming spot Sunday night, in Freeport, Central Trinidad. I am in no way seeking to pass judgment of whatever kind on the 33-year-old fish vendor, who from all accounts in the newspapers was a carefree woman who loved and lived her life according to how she wanted it.
There was, however, one cruel caveat–she apparently chose the wrong company to enjoy her relatively short life, in spite of warnings from her now grieving father who put it succinctly to one of the dailies on Monday: "Sometimes children like their friends more than their own family. Children need to listen to their parents, because without them nothing makes sense. Parents want the best for their children at all times. Friends just get you into trouble."
Unless it is a clear case of self-defence there is nothing on the face of this earth that can cause someone to take another human life. It is pure evil and Seema did not deserve to have her life taken away in that manner. Even if she might have offended somebody, her murder–a hit job, according to the police–still was not justifiable and it is hoped that the police will apprehend her killer come what may.
Sadly this will not be the last instance of a child disobeying their parents and meeting tragedy as has happened may times over the years.Even though Seema was an adult, however, the fact remains that she no doubt felt she was not bound to listen to her father at this stage in life.
However, we all know that times have changed and so many things around us have been constantly changing but the truth is some things just do not change–such as a good upbringing, no matter what station in life one enjoys.
Discipline falls into this category and as I have said in this space over and over, the biggest problem in this country is indiscipline, from top to bottom, and all our other problems stem from the abject refusal of Trinbagonians to exercise the necessary civic mindedness, love and respect for our fellow men.
It is so easy for some parents to excuse the uncivil conduct of their children on the premise that "you make the children but you did not make their mind." While that may hold good in some instances, it is difficult for some parents to bring up their charges in an upright manner, which has always been the case through the years.
Today, it is no different. the young children are still troublesome, showing rebellious behaviours similar to what obtained in the past, and if our parents had adopted carte blanche that position, what fate would have befallen our generation?Each generation posed identical challenges which required not too much difference in the method of approach in how parents dealt with their issues. It has been said that there is need for adults to be sent to parenting classes in order to successfully manage their children.
How come our parents took care of us in the absence of modern technology and yet the level of delinquency was never as high as it is today? One of the well known methods they adopted was the use of folklore to keep children in check.
In this computer-driven age could we tell children about Papa Bois, Douen, Soucouyant and other imaginary characters, each with their peculiar power of the supernatural, which drove fear into the minds of youngsters fearful of encountering these, which walked the streets after dark waiting to pounce on those who dared to stay out late?
It was only as an adult that I realised that these stories were related to us as a means of instilling discipline...what would happen to us if we remained out later than we were told to?The case I am trying to make is that whether you are a youngster or a parent, the Good Book told us we must honour our parents so that our days may be longer. It was good then and even better today.
�2 From next week, Gabrielle Hosein's "Diary of a Mothering Worker"column will appear in this space.