1. According to the Holy Qur'an, "No calamity occurs on earth nor in yourselves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees before We bring it into existence." (Surah 57, Verse 22). So why did Allah kill over 1,000 people who were worshipping Him at Mecca?
(a) They had read Dilbert that morning and giggled.
(b) The women had not covered their little toes.
(c) They opposed the marriage of nine-year-old girls.
(d) The men combed their beards.
2. In the Bible, Jehovah orders Abraham to sacrifice his only son as a test to see if Abraham loved Him (Genesis chapter 22: verse 2). Why did Jehovah do this?
(a) God has a weird sense of humour.
(b) God expresses His love in mysterious ways.
(c) God wanted to show that people who hear voices in their head are mentally well-balanced.
(d) God wanted to provide a good story to politicians who think sacrifice is the key to managing an economy.
3. In the Bhagavadgita, Krsna tells Arjuna that, "Even if you commit the worst abominations, once you do so on religious grounds you are considered holy because you are steadfast in your faith." What do you learn from this?
(a) It is wrong to kill, unless you pray first.
(b) All holy men should be given gun licences.
(c) Law is an evil concept.
4. If Adam and Eve were the first people, how did their children have children?
(a) Parthenogenesis, which is the first book in the Bible.
(b) With one another, until God in Genesis 19:30-36 and Leviticus 18:6-18 made incest wrong after Adam and Eve's children had gone forth and populated the Earth as instructed by God.
(c) Every birth is a miracle.
(d) In mysterious ways, like bowel movements.
5. In the Qur'an, Allah says that he chooses who will disbelieve His revelations (17:46) and that He will send these unbelievers to Hell (5:10) This shows that:
(a) Allah created non-Muslims so He could have people to torment for all eternity.
(b) Torture is good, especially on atheists.
(c) Anyone who uses proof and ethical logic as reasons for their actions is an evil-doer.
(d) Hell has a higher IQ than Heaven.
6. In the Bhagavadgita, Krsna says, "Among the stars I am the moon" and "I become the moon and supply life to all vegetables." Which of the following best explains this holy fact?
(a) All NASA's moon landings were faked.
(b) God was the lead in the movie Gravity.
(c) Without the moon, cucumbers would die.
(d) The moon is a vegetarian.
7. In the Bible, pi is calculated as 3.0 instead of 3.14159 (1Kings 7:23). What does this tell you about Jehovah?
(a) He is not irrational.
(b) Only God is infinite.
(c) He loves children because children hate fractions.
(d) Maths is a Satanic idea.
8. In the Hadith, a group of men steal a shepherd's camels, murder him and reject Islam. They are punished by the Prophet Muhammad (uwbp) by being staked under the desert sun, having their eyes gouged out with hot irons, and their limbs cut off so they would bleed to death. (Book 82, 8.794). Since the Prophet is an exemplar for all humankind, what does this incident tell you?
(a) ISIS leaders are weak-stomached wimps.
(b) Western societies are decadent.
(c) Imprisonment is a Satanic idea.
9. If Christians who lived to a ripe old age are blessed by God, why are children who are killed taken by Jehovah?
(a) Because God didn't want the children to get wrinkled.
(b) Because genes are a Satanic idea.
(c) Because God wants herbalists and other conmen to sell their products.
(d) Because God works in mysterious ways to let children die by human carelessness.
10. In the Bhagavadgita, women are described as being of "lower birth." What does this tell you about Bhagavan?
(a) He considers men high.
(b) He made women short.
(c) He approves of female infanticide.
(d) He doesn't use the metric system.
11. Every year, religious leaders pray to God to stop crime and, every year, crime does not stop. What do you learn from this?
(a) That crime would be even worse without prayer.
(b) That criminology is a Satanic idea.
(c) That prayers to false gods anger the one True God.
(d) That my God is the True God.
Email: kevin.baldeosingh@zoho.com
Kevin Baldeosingh is a professional writer, author of three novels, and co-author of a Caribbean history textbook.