Kevin Baldeosingh
My fellow T&T Guardian columnist Raymond Ramcharitar applied some weeks ago to Prime Minister Keith Rowley to write "for a reasonable fee" a textbook based on the PNM's manifesto and Budget promise of a "history of Trinidad and Tobago, especially our history since independence in 1962."
Now I admit that Raymond is more qualified than me to write such a book because he has a PhD, whereas I have to think for a living. Nonetheless, I too want to apply for this job, except that my fee will be entirely unreasonable minus ten per cent. In this way, I am sure I can underbid any PNM hack commissioned to produce this textbook. So, in today's column, I present a pr�cis of the proposed text which I am sure will meet with the approval of all PNM-till-Ah-deads.
Introduction–1956-1962
In 1962, just eight short years after the real history of T&T began with the election of the People's National Movement, this nation achieved Independence thanks to the courageous, fearless and brave leadership of PNM founder and leader and Prime Minister, Dr Eric Eustace Williams PhD.
Despite unswerving opposition from the mighty British Empire, Dr Williams, who had been ranked the third brightest man in the world after Albert Einstein and Mr Rogers, was able to use his intellectual and martial arts prowess to force the British to grant this country Independence, guaranteeing that all colonial unfairness that favoured fairness would be eradicated.
Chapter One–1962-1964
In his first act as Prime Minister of the newly Independent Nation, Dr Williams drafted a new Constitution for the new Independent Nation, applying his prodigious intellect (with some help from attorney Ellis Clarke) to craft a foundational founding document that would guarantee a nation dedicated to the principles of discipline and production and tolerance, except at Carnival.
As part of his enlightened approach to governance, Dr Williams, who had been praised as the world's third most spiritual man after Mahatma Gandhi and Oral Roberts, held widespread consultations with citizens on the Draft Constitution and, on the advice of religious bodies and the British Medical Association and the Junior Chamber of Commerce, agreed to assert in the Preamble a reference to Almighty God. This ensured that T&T thereafter had the protection of a Supreme Being, hence protecting our nation from hurricanes, earthquakes and homosexuals.
Chapter Two–1963-1968
In order to move T&T from a former colony to a developed nation, Dr Williams, who was beloved as the third most charismatic man in the world after Fidel Castro and Liberace, wrote a Five-Year Plan to reduce dependence on the petroleum sector.
So brilliant was Dr Williams' leadership that he was able to achieve nearly all the goals of the Five Year Plan in three years, maybe two, depending on how you feel about leap years. This was despite the attempt by some so-called revolutionaries to overthrow the Government and Dr Williams personally slapped the handcuffs on known Trotskyite CLR James, who was charged for subversive sauntering with intent to jog after Dr Williams declared a State of Emergency and passed the Industrialisation Stabilisation Act in a move which reassured all law-abiding citizens that the PNM was in control and governing for the good of all law-abiding citizens.
Chapter Three–1969-1973
Despite having attained prosperity for all and eradicated tooth decay, Dr Williams, who had been hailed as the cleanest man in the world after Martin Luther King Jr and Mr Breeze, was not satisfied. So he wrote a second Five Year Plan in which he announced plans to "diversify the economy."
This was achieved within 12 months, bringing greater national pride and affordable local rum to each and every citizen. In 1973, this nation was officially declared to be a Paradise by the United Nations.
Chapter Four–1981-1986
On March 29, 1981, Dr Williams officially died, becoming the third deadest man in the world, after George Washington and Elvis Presley. Within five years, T&T lost its Paradise status when the PNM was ousted from office in a closely-fought election.
Many years later, it was discovered that lead levels in the atmosphere were unusually high that year, hence affecting the electorate's mental faculties. This also accounted for the attempted coup in 1990, which the PNM did everything in its power to prevent, including tricks with string. Once returned to office in 1991, the country then resumed its inexorable upward path under the party's progressive, spiritual and neatly folded leadership.
n Kevin Baldeosingh is a professional writer, author of three novels, and co-author of a History textbook.