Kevin Baldeosingh
The last time the People's National Movement was in office, it took calypsonians six years to find any fault with the government's policies, attitude and choice of wigs: and by "calypsonians" I mean all three of them.
It is therefore unsurprising that kaisonians aren't badtalking the Keith Rowley administration after just five months in office, especially since they have anti-UNC calypsoes already written for the 2020 Dimanche Gras.
After all, it must take very long to write those three verses and a chorus when you aren't allowed to use a rhyming dictionary or, for that matter, a dictionary.
Calypsonians also generally base their commentaries on current events, but it is difficult to trust the media since investigative reporters and commentators stopped being factual and balanced after September 2015.
This is why calypsonians with their grassroots knowledge of economics, which is so much more pertinent than economists' knowledge of economics, say that the drastic drop in oil and gas prices would not have caused a recession if the UNC had not spent so much money.
Former Prime Minister Patrick Manning also spent billions, but calypsonians didn't sing about that, presumably because they couldn't think of a suitable word to rhyme with "Hart."For these reasons, I have written the following calypso.
Also, I expect this is the only chance you will have for the next five years to see a ditty mocking the PNM administration and, in case you're wondering, I didn't try out for the Big Yard only because I couldn't find good rhymes for "Indian," "homosexual," or "Jehovah."
VAT is no problemLyrics by The Mighty KBCopyright �2016
When you was on
the campaign trail
You had a hammer
for every nail,
It had no chance you
coulda fail
Once great PNM did prevail.
But now you in
government you surprise
To find recession in
de economy,
Like you did believe UNC lies
That the country
had plenty money.
But you had all
de answers before
To crime and corruption
and bad breath,
But now you like ah
two-by-four
Underfoot in de fete.
CHORUS
Give de people VAT
Let dem try on dat
Give de people VAT
Yuh had to lie on dat
Give de people VAT
They could get high on dat.
So you record
address to the nation
To talk about sacrifice,
You say we have to ration
And not eat so much rice.
Next day you gone
wedding in Miami
Leaving Colm to run de country
Right after he
gallstones surgery,
And yuh family on
shopping spree.
You didn't care what shot call,
You had to go foreign mall,
Like is you have de gall
And de biggest stones of all.
CHORUS
You give de people VAT
And gorn to golf in Barbados,
You give de people VAT
And hitting birdies like ah boss
Give de people VAT
Who vex go loss.
You promise good governance
And to make the Cabinet lean
But if that was a sincere stance
How come you let in Marlene?
Now you say is okay
For she to write HDC
To see if the man could pay
High fidelity with teacher salary.
So now we know that integrity
Mean helping out
friend and family
And that is only
acting corruptly
If we see but UNC.
CHORUS
Give de people VAT
To sap dey head with dat
Give de people VAT
To clear dey nosehole snat
Give de people VAT
So they go lose some fat.
You put tax on books
Because people doh read,
Now you getting black looks
From de non-black creed.
De black boys up in Laventy
Getting shoot down same pace
Same spree under PNM as UNC
But now Singing Sandra
not singing race
Because de voices in de ghetto
Now only want fete for so,
Now only want to leggo leggo
High for death tag toe.
CHORUS
That is why they get VAT
To ease up all de woe
Soldiers with a rat-a-tat-tat
Will bring dem six feet below.
You say all will be well
If wives learn to peel cassava,
But any man who ring that bell
Go get domestic massacre.
You feel women like cassava
Like in Tobago long time,
Now you have to be
hotter than lava
To make cassava wine.
CHORUS
Give de people VAT
Is de only song you sing
Give de people VAT
So waist they could fling
Give de people VAT
Dey could always pawn
some bling.
Kevin Baldeosingh is a professional writer, author of three novels, and co-author of a Caribbean history textbook