Last week, temporary Senator Maulana Waffie Mohammed, who was appointed by the Opposition United National Congress to defend the Muslim Marriage Act, was widely criticised for asserting that climate determines the age of puberty.
One letter-writer even went so far as to ask the Muslim cleric to provide scientific proof for this claim.
I found this challenge quite unreasonable. Does anyone ask Pentecostal pastor Winston Cuffie to provide scientific proof that the Earth is 6,000 years old? Does anybody ask Maha Sabha head Sat Maharaj to prove that Brahmins are the highest form of life? Does anyone ask MSJ leader David Abdulah to prove that socialism can produce a reliable supply of toilet paper? No, no, and Hell no.
In any case, Maulana Waffie isn't the first man to posit this connection between Trinidad's tropical climate and puberty.
Way back in 1806, the prosecutor in a court trial asserted that "In that hot country the puberty of females is much accelerated, and they become mothers frequently when they are only 12 years old."
That case involved the torture of a 15-year-old girl named Louisa Calderon, but Louisa was only tortured to get her to confess that she had robbed a man who she had been living with as a concubine since she was 11.
Then, in 1889, an ordinance was proposed to lower the age of consent from 16 to 13 years, and members of the Trinidad Legislative Council argued that this was necessary because "girls developed more rapidly in the tropical climate."
And these were respectable white Christian men, so Maulana Waffie was only following a historical precedent.
Even the English language makes a link between climate and sexuality. Thus, sexy women are described as "hot"; an attractive woman is called a "hotty"; and, in Trinidadian dialect, we describe promiscuous females as "hot up".
Also, if TV footage of the fiery protests that erupt whenever police kill a young black boy is any indicator, hotspots have a higher ratio of women in hot pants with Hottentot genes.
In this context, it seems rather odd that the UNC would have put a maulana, a pundit and a pastor in the hot seat to deal with such a hot potato.
There may be political reasons for so doing but, on the other hand, it may just be hot flashes.
So Maulana Waffie explained to the Senate that "Muslims believe that the marriageable age of a female begins with puberty"; Maha Sabha pundit Bhadase Seetahal-Maraj assured senators that all marriages involving 14-year-old Hindu girls were based on "sincerity of heart, purity of purpose and nobility of intentions"; and Pastor Rodger Samuel said Blah blah blah.
The religious spokespersons who want to retain their right to marry 12- and 14-year-old girls also argue that fornication and pornography in schools prove that young people have the hots for each other, and hold that this is the root cause of more widespread ills in Trinidad and Tobago, such as murder, rape, and bad grammar.
I myself believe the obverse–that high levels of religiosity in a society correlate with violence and sexism and boring newspaper columns–but I admit I believe this only because of evidence: which, of course, is irrelevant to any debate based on religion.
So, basically, all the religious spokesmen had only one argument: that when 12- and 14-year-old girls have sex with males, it is a form of social disorder; but when 12- and 14-year-old girls have sex with males they are married to, it is what God wants.
Maulana Waffie even argued that the legislation which needed to be repealed wasn't the Marriage Act but the Children's Act 2012, since, he said: "In this Act, we see that boys as young as ten years old can lawfully have sex with girls of ten years."
He did not specify, however, if the law should be changed to allow ten-year-olds who want to have sex to marry, or if ten-year-olds who have sex should be jailed.
Indeed, Maulana Waffie became very hot under the collar, asserting that Attorney General Faris al-Rawi was not "doing anything to solve the problem of unrestricted sexual activity"; and I myself do in fact feel that Mr Al-Rawi should stop wearing those fitted T-shirts.
Pundit Bhadase, showing the senators that he wasn't full of hot air, said that the debate had "marginalised key voices and given greater volume and velocity to voices of lesser importance"; although I myself was under the delusion that the members of the Hindu Women's Organisation were Hindus.
Pastor Rodger said Blah blah blah; but I took this to mean blah blah blah.
Still: let me stop defending girl children before I get into hot water with these people who can send me to the hot place.
Email: kevin.baldeosingh@zoho.com
Kevin Baldeosingh is a professional writer, author of three novels, and co-author of a Caribbean history textbook.