DARK CLOUD: The homicide rate in T&T is two murders a day.
SILVER LINING: 90 per cent of those killed are male, poor and black.
CLOUD: Heart disease is the leading cause of death in T&T.
LINING: Trevor Sayers can cure all diseases.
CLOUD: Crime remains the main worry for most citizens.
LINING: Acting Police Commissioner Stephen Williams will not resign because all other serious crimes are down.
CLOUD: If a strong earthquake strikes Trinidad, there will be widespread loss of life and property.
LINING: Since prayer can move mountains, it can also stop mountains moving.
CLOUD: One in every three murders in T&T are caused by domestic violence.
LINING: This statistic was supplied to the Prime Minister by feminists.
CLOUD: One in every 20 murders in T&T is caused by domestic violence.
LINING: Domestic violence helps gender feminists argue that marriage puts women at risk of being murdered and doing the laundry.
CLOUD: Murderers are not being caught.
LINING: Seventh Day Adventist Pastor Dottin is praying to God to stop the parasitic mafiatic rhinoceritic murderers who killed two women from his church.
CLOUD: The Government wants to pass an Anti-Terrorism Bill which will be "negative, chaotic and oppressive for Muslims."
LINING: Muslimeen leader Abu Bakr is helping oppose the bill so he won't be oppressed.
CLOUD: Cancer is the second leading cause of death in T&T.
LINING: Colon cleansing can cure all diseases except gay.
CLOUD: 14-year-old girls are being married off by their devout Hindu parents to older men.
LINING: This prevents the girls from committing suicide due to their parents throwing them out for getting pregnant.
CLOUD: Having sex can result in unwanted pregnancy and STDs.
LINING: Having sex.
CLOUD: 43 women were murdered in 2016.
LINING: Only one victim was important enough to stage candlelight vigils and panel discussions, and it wasn't a woman who had tattoos and sex for money.
CLOUD: In domestic violence, men kill more often but women hit, throw objects, and use weapons more often than men.
LINING: Gender experts will always emphasise the first fact and suppress the second one when recommending policies to reduce domestic violence.
CLOUD: Diabetes is the third leading cause of death in T&T.
LINING: Alkaline water can cure all diseases and, with its extra hydrogen molecule, also make you blonde.
CLOUD: Children die in accidents and in floods.
LINING: God loved them so much that He let them be killed so they could be with Him.
CLOUD: Historian Angelo Bissessarsingh died.
LINING: God is ignoring President Anthony Thomas Aquinas Carmona, who at Angelo's book launch said he will pray for a miracle.
CLOUD: Bullying is a prevalent problem in schools.
LINING: School principals can't be easily fired.
CLOUD: Children are abused in Children's Homes, and one boy was even killed some years ago.
LINING: The Anglican church has a weekly radio programme.
CLOUD: Many Venezuelans are now working in Trinidad.
LINING: They will go back as soon as the CIA stops undermining the Venezuelan's government's socialist policies.
CLOUD: Carnival does not generate a profit.
LINING: Carnival renews our African cultural and spiritual heritage which rejects capitalist oppression.
CLOUD: T&T is in a recession.
LINING: The highest-paid employees at the country's most indebted State-owned company got a five per cent wage increase.
CLOUD: Marriages are not the site of safety and protection they are idealised to be, according to a leading gender feminist.
LINING: Since most women want to be married, most women are not as intelligent as gender feminists.
CLOUD: Women are most at risk of being attacked and injured in their homes.
LINING: A woman's chances of being a victim of domestic violence is less than eight in 100, according to the Caribbean Human Development Report 2012, so if gender feminists get funding to do gender research they can save money by inventing statistics.
CLOUD: The soca for Carnival 2K17 is even more inane than last year's.
LINING: Iwer George's "Jump in de water/Take ah bathe" will reduce crime because cleanliness is next to godliness which is right next to the plantain chips on Aisle#7.
CLOUD: Everyone dies.
LINING. Everyone dies.
Kevin Baldeosingh is the author three novels and co-author of a history textbook.