There never seems to be a year that is hard to let go of, and so, as I sit here looking back on this year and looking forward to next year, I think of all the lessons this past year has brought. It's the only righteous thing to do as we head for a new year. This was the year that I learned just how cold and cruel people can be; this was the year that I learned to manage my grief. The violent, senseless death of my dog, Jada, jarred me into a different realm of existence, where I learned that there would be no escape from grief and misery unless I reinvented the world I could only see with cynical eyes. People let me down; and sadly, I accepted that for a while by justifying their callousness as their inability to value the life of a dog.
All life, I learned, is precious. All life should inspire us. Caring about animals is what makes us human, it's what makes us want to save endangered species, and it's what makes us want to hug our dogs at the end of a long, dreary day. I know there are people out there who are gathering their party hats and whistles to usher in a new year. I know there are people who can march towards Old Year's Night with steely determination to sweep the past year under the rug, but I also know there are people who drag the baggage of the old year into the new year. A bad year is like a bad dream: difficult to shake off. But there are ways, I have discovered, to move on, with peace and some semblance of happiness. Here are the steps:
1. Count your blessings: Even when you feel like you're drowning in grief, there is something good to cling to-search for it.
2. Treat your mind like a book: Turn the pages of grief. On the flip side of those pages there are memories that will make you smile.
3. Know that your feelings are valid: No one can belittle your feelings or experiences. You have a right to feel.
4. Set your sights on the future: Just know you will get through this-with or without someone's help.
5. Have faith: Even when you can't make sense of the world around you, know that there is a plan for your life.
6. Learn from what happened, and share what you have learned. It's a way to reconnect.
7. Brace yourself for a new level of pain: When you least expect it, someone will be unbelievably and unexplainably mean to you for no good reason.
It will be unrelated to the event you're experiencing, but it will feel like an extension of it.
Don't let it derail you or plunge you into a deeper grief. Put one foot in front of the next, and keep moving.
8. Find a book that will help you work your way through your feelings.
When you can't reach out to people, find people you can relate to in a book. I learned last year how to move on. It's simple and effective. Here's what you do: Any time someone is mean or unkind to you, choose ten people to give kindness to. It can be a random act-giving cheese and hops bread to a vagrant, praising those who work under you, or buying an unexpected gift to reward someone who is struggling too. It can be something ongoing like contributing time or money to a charity. The only way to move on from grief is to create joy. The only way to move on is to dive into a deeper realm of existence where you invent peace and love and charity on your own terms. Doing good deeds is a powerful way to fight anger, depression and cynicism. It sends a vital message to your soul: all is well because I am helping to make the world a better place in my own little way.
I am taking all the meanness and anger that people dump on me and turning it into something meaningful and beautiful. The goal is to stop fighting the bad things that happen to you in life. Just let go of them. It's the bravest thing to do. Hurt, anger and cynicism are easy to maintain. They grow like weeds in a flower bed. Unattended, they strangle all the pretty flowers. So, here we are, heading for that new year. I still think of Jada every day. I remember her little bull terrier dance, her sigh, her pointed ears. I do good deeds to fight the pain of losing her and all the other pain that piled up on top of that over the year. I do good deeds to honour her, and I have learned that pain cannot define my life. I wish you a year of kind deeds and peace; and a year filled with good books. Next year our challenge will be to find a book that changes your life. Keep the faith, it's going to be a great year.