Anyone out there who remembers that line from a popular song? The reason the song was popular was most likely because so many people could identify with that theme. At all stages of life, dealing with the end of a relationship is a long and difficult process. Even when you think you've prepared yourself for the step, thought about it and realised it's the best move for you, it's going to hurt.
There are some things which can make a break-up harder, of course. For instance, if your attitude about the relationship was that this had to last forever and you refused to even consider the possibility that it might end somehow, then you're really going to feel terrible. An important belief has been proven wrong and now you have to develop a new view of relationships and accept that they don't last forever.Sometimes people believe that in order to be close in a relationship, you have to spend all your time with your partner and, if you're not together, then you have to be on the phone constantly. 'Closeness' is defined by this intense, exclusive contact. When that disappears from your life, suddenly there's a lot of free time which used to be occupied by contact with this one person. It's not surprising to feel displaced and disoriented when your main focus has been removed.
Friendships which were allowed to lapse during that period of absorption in one person have to be re-established. It's a trying time.Hardest of all is breaking off a bad relationship. It sounds paradoxical, yet it's true. Leaving bad relationships requires much more energy and effort. Actually, that statement should be qualified. If you recognise early warning signs of trouble in a relationship and break it off promptly, then the process is much easier. However, if you stay in the relationship and invest a lot of time and energy trying to 'fix' insoluble problems, then you will burn yourself out and dealing with the break-up will exhaust you because you just don't have many emotional resources left.
If you're in a bad relationship and you decide to admit that it's not working, then you can stop making fruitless efforts to repair it and instead spend your energy on recovering and preparing yourself to leave. This may take a while, but it means that you're progressing in a healthy direction. The eventual break-up won't feel as bad.How does one heal from a break-up? First of all, give yourself time. A break-up is a loss and one needs time to grieve a loss. It's not just loss of the person, it may also be loss of some of your beliefs about relationships, loss of your partner's friends or liming group, loss of activities you used to do together, and so on.
Grieving isn't a process which can be hurried.Secondly, do some thinking about why you feel so hurt. Is it just missing the person or has your pride also been damaged? Are you feeling particularly upset because some things which other people told you about him/her, which you refused to believe, have proven to be true? Are you also missing a reason to get out of your house and away from some difficult situation there? Do you think it's your fault that the relationship didn't last, that you didn't 'do it right' somehow?Find a way to surround yourself with supportive people, who will understand that you're sad and are prepared to help you through it. Pay attention to your sadness and take care of it and of yourself. You're not unlovable because a relationship ended; you're just like the rest of us.