This is an open letter to the mother whose video of punishing her child has gone viral. I hope it reaches you.Your stance that you are prepared to go to jail is a rebellious one, one that shows your belief in holding up what you believe in, one that shows strength of character, determination and an unapologetic attitude about your decisions regardless of what others think of your behaviour.
It's quite possible that your daughter also has this rebellious attitude, this strength of character, this unapologetic attitude. As an adult and mother you may have learned along the way how to use this rebellious nature in positive ways, for rebellion can certainly be an advantage, giving us strength, determination, force and even power.
A 12-year-old who has such a nature does not know where and how to manage it and the obvious, easy ways are openly sexual behaviour. But this rebellion is something that can be a strength to her if she understands its power and how to hone it and use it.
Perhaps she can be reached by understanding her behaviour firstly by understanding it as rebellion and secondly, by showing her how rebellion can be a positive force in one's life. Mandela, Jesus, Ghandi, to name a few, were all rebels. Perhaps showing her where and how to place this rebellion may be a place to start reaching her; right now she is acting out the rebellion, but helping her hone it will allow her to see how it can be a strength instead of a negative, and she may begin to understand how to value it rather than abuse it.
Perhaps you can find some artistic outlet that allows her to express this rebellion as freedom. If she likes to dance, for example, encourage her to look at videos of great dancers like Michael Jackson; encourage her to teach a few girls some dance moves or put up a video of herself dancing, not wining or posing. Maybe she can write, express herself that way, or since she likes posting stuff, maybe she can be encouraged to post videos of life in her community.
As a start, maybe you can chat with her about rebellion as power...how Mandela used rebellion to change the system in South Africa. Perhaps you and she can take this (or something else) on as a project? These are suggestions from one mother to another, no judgement; having been a teacher for many years, I understand youth culture and how strengths can be misplaced when one is young. Maybe these ideas might make sense to you. Blessings.
Joanne Haynes
via email