We are doing a bad job of socialising the young. It is abundantly clear that in some contexts here in Trinidad, that the confluence of home life, school life, community life, peer group influences and the limitless influence from modern media produce some young males who are mindless killers. This problem of bad socialisation also shows up in schools in the form of increasing indiscipline.
In response, it is now fashionable to blame the parents. Priests, bishops, teachers, police commissioners and all the other custodians of order are blaming the parents. One gets the impression that if parents just do their jobs the problems of youth delinquency would go away.It cannot be denied that if the quality of parenting improves that things certainly would get better. It cannot be denied either that any efforts at preparing and equipping parents for their roles would be a plus for the society.
But we cannot consider parenting apart from the quality of community, school and other social amenities such as health care and housing, and the influence of modern media.When we consider all these factors which impact on parenting we recognise that the odds are strongly against parents today.
Frequent comparisons are made to the great parents of yesteryear who had large families and survived under relatively poor conditions. But the community was a friendly place and children were safe within the neighbourhoods. There were ample spaces for organised games, recreation and even access to a lot of free mangoes and guavas etc. A lot of poor children experienced enchanted childhoods.
A lot of communities are now dangerous places for children, and parents have to find money to access play and recreation. I want to argue that the community was as important as the parent in childhood socialisation in times gone by.Given the influences of modern media, the home is not an enclave. The home is an invaded space. With TV, cell phones, laptops and Internet it is not possible as parents to know what influences your children are undergoing.
Being a parent in the new information order is extremely challenging. Parents today are highly unprepared to prepare their children for the world of tomorrow simply because that world cannot be predicted. Their tastes, ambitions, and motivations are grounded in a set of experiences that parents may not be in contact with.
How many parents know that their children are visiting porn sites? In our homes where each person has his own screen can we really say we know where our children are even when they are physically at home? Are we able anymore to determine the influences to which they are exposed as they grow up?
In addition, the challenges of poor housing, poor health provision and poor schooling mean that parents who do not have the resources and initiatives to provide health care or opportunities for extra-curricular activities or private lessons, are in trouble. The costs and challenges of parenting become more demanding when social amenities are lacking or difficult to access.If it took a village to raise a child that village has certainly disappeared. We need to change the discourse about parenting now.
How can we help parents to do a better job of socialising and upbringing of their children? That is the relevant question for authorities in health, housing, education, sports, police and religious institutions as well.
Samuel Lochan
via e-mail