This year I en­cour­age you to man­age your ex­pec­ta­tions. Yes Ex­pec­ta­tions!! Ex­pec­ta­tions are be­liefs that a cer­tain out­come or event will hap­pen. Ex­pec­ta­tions cre­ates stress and anx­i­ety and may not be good go­ing in­to 2019. Do you re­mem­ber a time when you felt dis­ap­point­ed, when you did some­thing great for some­one you worked so hard ei­ther to get them a great gift, or fin­ished a project on time, or even cook­ing them their favourite meal? And af­ter all that hard work you got blown over, feel­ing un­ap­pre­ci­at­ed ? You felt an­gry, how dare they do that to you, where was the ap­pre­ci­a­tion? They didn't re­act as you an­tic­i­pat­ed, they failed to live up to your ex­pec­ta­tions, but that isn’t their fault. The ex­pec­ta­tions were yours.

We’ve all had sim­i­lar ex­pe­ri­ences, whether or not we re­al­ized at the time that ex­pec­ta­tions were the cul­prit. But you can man­age the ex­pec­ta­tions that could arise in your life, so that your aren’t af­fect­ed by their con­se­quences. There are two ways that ex­pec­ta­tions can shack­le you...it’s time to delve deep­er in­to each of them!

The first type of ex­pec­ta­tions is when you have ex­pec­ta­tions of oth­ers, the sec­ond Is when oth­ers heap ex­pec­ta­tions up­on you.

Know­ing each of these po­ten­tial pit­falls, and more im­por­tant­ly how you can avoid them, is a life skill that will serve you well as you go through your day, from busi­ness to fam­i­ly and every­thing in be­tween. Once you be­ing to rec­og­nize them, you’ll be sur­prised at how of­ten through­out your day ex­pec­ta­tions are at play.

Once we un­der­stand that your own ex­pec­ta­tions are noth­ing more than your best guess­es sculpt­ed in­to the­o­ry. These best guess­es are re­al­ly at their core our deeply held opin­ions mixed up with a big dash of hope.

Nev­er as­sume.

When in doubt, ask a ques­tion....ask what it is they want or need in any par­tic­u­lar sit­u­a­tion. It’s so easy to as­sume that your spouse is go­ing to want their fa­vorite meal for their birth­day din­ner. But re­al­ly they might just want to take a qui­et bath.

It’s easy to as­sume your as­sis­tant knows ex­act­ly to whom you want your memo emailed; but they might send it to the wrong de­part­ment. Save your­self time and ef­fort; ask in ad­vance.

Re­al­ize that re­mov­ing ex­pec­ta­tions, is not on­ly wise, but kind.

Be­ing mis­un­der­stood nev­er feels good. Hu­man be­ings, re­al­ly thrive on feel­ing that they are con­nect­ed with oth­ers. When ex­pec­ta­tions are pro­ject­ed on­to oth­ers, the con­se­quences can be very un­com­fort­able when the as­sump­tions fail and they feel that they’ve not lived up to...well, ex­pec­ta­tions.

En­joy what your life looks like to­day.

This isn’t about ex­pec­ta­tions of oth­ers; this is about hav­ing ex­pec­ta­tions of your­self. All too of­ten we com­pare our­selves to oth­ers and fall short in one way or an­oth­er. Then roll in those fan­tasies and dreams that re­al­ly are just ex­pec­ta­tions in dis­guise, “As soon as I get that raise, I’ll be hap­py.” “Once we’re mar­ried, I’ll feel con­tent and like my life has re­al­ly be­gun.” “All I need to be ful­filled is x, y, z.” Nope. Rev­el in the day you have to­day. Don’t mis­take ex­pec­ta­tions for goals. Goals are fab­u­lous and as a coach I’m all for them; in con­trast, ex­pec­ta­tions just make peo­ple feel bad.

Man­ag­ing oth­er's ex­pec­ta­tions is bit more dif­fi­cult than man­ag­ing your own ex­pec­ta­tions . But you can do it, and it is ab­solute­ly worth in­vest­ing your time and en­er­gy in­to. How? By be­ing proac­tive in key ar­eas. Com­mu­ni­cate like crazy. Over-com­mu­ni­cate with oth­ers out­side of work as in­side. Just like you want to let oth­ers know what your bound­aries are, what your plans are and your pref­er­ences, it is im­por­tant to share all these things and more with your friends and fam­i­ly. If no one knows how to please you, then every­one los­es. If Aun­ty Mar­jorie knows when you are com­ing to vis­it and ex­act­ly how long you will stay, then she is less like­ly to an­tic­i­pate you stay­ing longer and feel­ing hurt when you leave. Know­ing where your friends and fam­i­ly stand on cer­tain is­sues and their core be­liefs can help you have com­pas­sion for and com­mu­ni­cate bet­ter with them. Once you un­der­stand the role of ex­pec­ta­tions in your every­day in­ter­ac­tions, you’re well on your way. Re­mind your­self...goals are not the same as ex­pec­ta­tions! Goals are con­crete based up­on re­al­i­ty and facts, ex­pec­ta­tions are be­liefs based up­on hope and opin­ions. Trade your ex­pec­ta­tions for ap­pre­ci­a­tion. And if you’re up for a re­al chal­lenge, try to take a whole day with no ex­pec­ta­tion, and re­spond to every­thing you pos­si­bly can with ap­pre­ci­a­tion. It can be chal­leng­ing, but it is al­so quite re­ward­ing. Even if you mess up a few times, it will still be one of the best days of your life.