Do we ever stop to wonder why there are so many delinquent children in our society today?Due to the high rise in parental neglect our children have fallen in society. Parents no longer take the initiative to mould their children into becoming the ideal Caribbean citizen; this has come about because of the lack of love and respect given to our children today.We will agree that being a parent is a very complex and demanding task. It requires great skills and intuition to understand our children and motivate them so that they can develop the necessary life skills for psycho-social competence.
We can hear the cries of some parents pleading to bring back the old-time days. In those days a mother was usually a stay-at-home housewife whose role was to mould and groom her children with love and respect. The children also had the guidance of the community. Hence the old adage that "it took a whole village to raise a child."Parents usually are the initiators of their children's socialisation and aptitudes, the tenets of which are moulded from their upbringing. If as a nation we desire children who best represent their fullest potential, then, the adults in their lives must follow parenting principles designed to nurture our children to develop the qualities which will result in a confident, responsible, caring human being.
Parenting styles
Parenting styles are classified by psychologists into four categories.
One of the styles is the Authoritarian style which is referred to parents who value respect for authority and strict obedience to their commands and rely on techniques such as threats and physical punishments to control their children's behaviour.
On the other hand, the Permissive type of parents make little demands for mature behaviour from their children. Their children are permitted to make their own decision about routine activities such as, TV viewing, bed times and meal times. These parents are moderately cool or uninvolved.
In addition, there is the Authoritative style in which parents expect their children to behave in a mature fashion. They tend to use rewards rather than punishments. Also, they communicate their expectation clearly and provide explanation to their children. They also listen and encourage dialogue with their children.
Finally, the Uninvolved parent is uncommitted to their parental role and is emotionally detached from their children. Instead, these parents give greater priority to their needs rather than the children's' needs. As a result of this attitude, the parents become uninterested in the children's school activities and playmates. They also have infrequent conversation with them.
Bad parenting
Statistics gathered throughout the world indicate that the Authoritative style in parenting is the style which will nurture children to the desired objective. On the other hand, statistics have also shown that the Uninvolved parenting style is one of the main reasons our children are becoming confused and as a result delinquent in their behaviour.
The Uninvolved parent has evolved mainly because of the economic demands on families for a two-person income. In addition, separations and divorces as well as women choosing careers which take them away from the home have a great impact on the lives of our children. Schools are now forced to assume a parenting role they are ill equipped to handle.There are many examples of bad parenting occurring right here in Trinidad and Tobago. The following are a few examples that were quoted from our daily newspapers:
A granny pushing an eight-year-old through a window space on Carnival Tuesday to steal.
Mothers knowing and condoning their teen-age daughters' sexual activity, especially with taxi/maxi men for money in which they share.
"Don't forget meh box ah chickin," a mother was heard telling her young teenage daughter who was going out with a maxi man.
A father gave his son a gun on reaching 12 years, saying to him: "Doh let anybody do allyuh anything and geh way." He is currently awaiting a murder charge.
At the same time, there are many cases that have not been reported to the authorities, for example, there are many of our teenage daughters who are still attending school, and have become pregnant for their father or stepfathers.These are the kinds of parenting guides which give our children mixed signals, confuse them and cause them to rebel. Their attitudes change and there is increased aggression. They can become suicidal while some turn to drugs, alcohol, prostitution and crime. Is this the kind of upbringing we want for our children?
As parents we need to take responsibility and take action now to save our children. Now is the time to pull in the reins and bring our children back to the fold instead of losing them altogether.As a parent we need to grow with our children. We need to love and nurture them and also look at measures of discipline which will enable our children to stand unique among others.In addition, we need them to trust us as parents. Therefore, we should show them respect, listen out for their cries, and extend our hands when they are needed. Furthermore, it is important for us to be truthful and honest with our children.Understanding our children and developing a relationship with them are the secrets to raising the responsible, caring citizen of tomorrow.