Achieving an Orgasm: The sweetest struggle

For some, the feeling makes them cry. For others it is experiencing the most thrilling sense of pleasure that makes the toes curl under—reaching that place where you're losing/catching your breath—squeezing, biting and pulling your hair out, all at the same time. But for most women, the desire for that Savior Faire with that special someone is more of a task...followed by the question—” what's wrong with me?” Well, if you are in the latter category, the good news is, experts say there is no need for you to feel abnormal because you are definitely not alone in your “sweetest struggle.” In fact, according to most studies, the majority of women - at least 70 per cent — do not and will not reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse or vagina-only stimulation.

The doctor says....
Local sex therapist Dr Giriraj Ramnanan, holder of a PhD in Applied Health Studies, specialising in Sex, Gender and Sexuality, confirmed that difficulty reaching an orgasm through intercourse was very common among women. He also revealed that there were a number of factors that contributed to a woman not being able to reach that pinnacle of pleasure during sex. “It is a common problem among women. One of the main problems for women not having an orgasm during intercourse is the fact that most men climax before the woman, leaving her feeling incomplete, and at times even used. “If this is regular in a relationship then the woman can lose her appetite for sex. Losing one's appetite for sex can also lead to little interest in having an orgasm,” explained Ramnanan.

A woman's orgasm is a collaborative effort
Ramnanan also dismissed the belief by many that the man is soley responsible for making a woman climax during intercourse. He communicated,  it is actually a collaborative effort. “A man can't make a woman have an orgasm. He can only assist her in achieving one, provided a woman knows how to have an orgasm. “You see many women do not know how to have an orgasm. Most women may have never explored their bodies fully to understand what is needed to have an orgasm.

“During intercourse it is really a collaborative effort between both partners that can help a woman achieve an orgasm almost everytime. A man must know where to touch, how to touch, what type of thrusting is needed and what positions can aid in giving the woman full stimulation during intercourse. While on the other hand, a woman should not be timid in letting her partner know exactly what ‘feels right’ during penetration. She must be able to help the man to assist her in climaxing,” said Ramnanan.

Factors that prevent orgasms

Physical causes

 Damage to the central nervous system, the spinal cord and the peripheral nerves, for example, by injury, tumours and multiple sclerosis.
 Medication.
 Hormonal anomalies.
 Surgery.
 An inadequate learning process: little masturbation.
 Fatigue.
 Depression.
 Insufficient knowledge of one's own body.

Psychological causes:
 Not being able to concentrate on and accept the physical sensations.
 Not giving enough attention to oneself while making love.
 Wanting to come by all means.
 Looking at oneself 'from a distance' and being distracted by this.
 Distraction by stress, certain thoughts, etc.
 Negative memories.

Ramnanan revealed that difficulties in reaching an orgasm in women could also stem from, physical, psychological and social issues:

Psychological
“I always advise my patients that counselling is necessary before intercourse begins between a couple, or once that couple have begun having sex. There is much that should be learned about your partner because there might be some medical or psychological issues that might prevent the woman from achieving an orgasm,” said Ramnanan “A woman who may have been abused, taught negative things about her body, or programmed not to enjoy sex fully, may have difficulties achieving an orgasm. Most women who were abused feel guilty about having sex, and so they are unable to enjoy intercourse,” he added

Physical
Frigidity (low sex drive in women), according to Ramnanan, is also another reason why a woman my not climax during sexual intercourse.

Faking an orgasm
He also articulated that many women faked having an orgasm in order to make their partner believe that he was satisfying them. He explained that this was very damaging in a couple's sex life because it would mean two things—the woman was never sexually satisfied and the man never really learnt how to help her achieve an orgasm.  

 Health related issues
A woman's health can also play a major role in a her inability to climax during intercourse. “Women who are diabetic, have dryness of the vagina, nervous disorders, hypertension and high cholesterol to name a few, can also have difficulty in achieving an orgasm,” disclosed Ramnanan.

Social issues
“Not getting the form of stimulation needed to get an orgasm, insufficient safety, security, respect, communication and being too focused on the other person, can all prevent a woman from achieving an orgasm during intercourse.

Compatibility
“Compatibility also plays a vital role in intercourse.
“A couple might be married but the compatibility is not there.
“For sex to be completely satisfying for both partners...there must be compatibility because sex is the deepest kind of communication between a man and a woman.”

 Age does matter
Ramnanan also alluded to age being a contributing factor to a woman's sex drive. “Women have what we call ‘down cycles’. “Every five years a woman's sexual cycle changes. In a her down cycle she is usually less aroused and her sex drive might be low. Therefore, achieving an orgasm might be difficult during this period.”

nDigital stimulation/oral: Bad habits
“If a woman is accustomed to climaxing by digital penetration or oral sex, it will become difficult for her to achieve an orgasm during intercourse because she has not trained her mind, senses or body to be stimulated enough to reach an orgasm through penetration. “So it shouldn't be a regular practice for a woman to want to achieve an orgasm through digital stimulation or oral sex only,” Ramnanan admonished. He added that in such cases a woman had to recondition her mind—not focusing on climaxing through intercourse while having intercourse, but just allowing her body and senses to be stimulated through penetration. He also noted that during the period of reconditioning a woman's mind, the man had to understand that he must help her to achieve an orgasm. He has to learn that during intercourse he must “play” with certain areas to help the woman in achieving an orgasm.

To contact Dr Ramnanan call: 645-9829- 644-4543/740-1961