Each year millions of parents deal with their children's beginning-of-the-academic-year anxiety. For younger children starting school-whether it's pre-school, kindergarten, or a transition into the first or second standard, having a grown-up lean down and say, "How exciting, you're starting school soon," can be similar to telling an adult they're going to be scaling Mt Everest next week. It's natural for your young child to feel anxious when you say goodbye. Although it can be difficult, separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. With understanding, patience, and coping strategies, it can be relieved-and should fade as your child gets older. In some children, however, fears about separation seem to only intensify as time passes, or to resurface out of the blue. If anxieties are persistent and excessive enough to get in the way of school or other activities, it is possible that your child has separation anxiety disorder. Unlike normal separation anxiety, this condition may require the support of a professional-but there is also a lot that you as a parent can do to help.
Separation anxiety: what's normal and what's not
In early childhood, crying, tantrums, or clinginess are healthy reactions to separation. Separation anxiety can begin before a child's first birthday, and may pop up again or last until a child is four years old, but both the intensity level and timing of separation anxiety vary tremendously from child to child. A little worry over leaving mom or dad is normal, even when your child is older. You can ease your child's anxiety by staying patient and consistent, and by gently but firmly setting limits. Some kids, however, experience separation anxiety that doesn't go away, even with a parent's best efforts. These children experience a continuation or reoccurrence of intense separation anxiety during their elementary school years or beyond. If anxiety is excessive enough to interfere with normal activities like school and friendships, and lasts for months rather than days, it may be a sign of separation anxiety disorder.
Easing normal separation anxiety
For children with normal separation anxiety, there are steps you can take to make the process of separation anxiety easier.
• Practice separation. Leave your child with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first.
• Schedule separations after naps or feedings. Babies are more susceptible to separation anxiety when they're tired or hungry.
• Develop a "goodbye" ritual. Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss.
• Keep familiar surroundings when possible and make new surroundings familiar. Have the sitter come to your house. When your child is away from home, let him or her bring a familiar object.
• Have a consistent primary caregiver. If you hire a caregiver, try to keep him or her on the job.
• Leave without fanfare. Tell your child you are leaving and that you will return, then go-don't stall.
• Minimise scary television. Your child is less likely to be fearful if the shows you watch are not frightening.
• Try not to give in. Reassure your child that he or she will be just fine-setting limits will help the adjustment to separation.
Tips for healthy separation
• Keep calm during separation. If your child sees that you can stay cool, he or she is more likely to be calm, too.
• Support the child's participation in activities. Encourage your child to participate in healthy social and physical activities.
• Help a child who has been absent from school return as quickly as possible. Even if a shorter school day is necessary initially, children's symptoms are more likely to decrease.
• Praise your child's efforts. Use the smallest of things-going to bed without a fuss, a good report from school-to give positive reinforcement. (HelpGuide.org)
