Wedding planning, as exciting as it is, can also bring anxiety, disagreement and frustration to the table. Last week, I received an e-mail from a bride-to-be in distress, which said: "My fiancé and I are in the process of planning our wedding. The problem is that we cannot agree on what type of wedding to have. He is Hindu, and I come from a Hindu home, but I am Presbyterian. My dream wedding is on a beach in Tobago but he thinks a beach wedding is impractical. Can you help me? He is driving me crazy with all his negativity." This e-mail highlights two of the most common areas that cause "couple tension"-religion and decisions regarding planning elements. Based on the e-mail I get to www.trinidadweddings.com, religion seems to be the most common ground for engaged couples' disagreements, and it may be largely because of cultural factors and familial expectations.
Many couples choose to have double ceremonies (ie, two types of religious ceremonies on different days) in order to bridge this gap and also to appease their families. In other situations, one person may choose to convert to his/her fiance(e)'s religion. Other couples elope or opt for civil ceremonies. Some couples even choose to live together to see whether their cultures and lifestyles can mesh, before marriage. Whichever option is chosen, one should remember that apart from dictating the type of ceremony to be performed, religion has a profound influence on how the couples' children will be raised, what rites and rituals will be performed, and above all, the values the married couple will share.
There are religious issues, though, that just cannot be resolved easily for some couples. In these instances, heart-to-heart discussions with your fiancé(e) and pre-marital counselling may be the best route, in determining whether the person is the right match for you. Regarding decisions on planning elements, there are a few problems that arise. Most guys might agree that their fiancées overdo the "retail therapy" when it comes to weddings, and before they both know it...the wedding budget is squandered. Other guys may say "once it comes to aesthetics-let the woman have her way" but it's a sign of the times that many grooms-to-be are now playing a greater role in the planning process and rightfully so. Grooms now want to have more input than, perhaps, grooms of a few decades ago. The best way to solve this issue is to prioritise and decide on a wedding budget upfront, together. As a couple, your priority may not be a large wedding but a down payment on a house, or it may be a swanky reception and a more low-keyed honeymoon. Every couple has the right to choose their own priorities without justifying them to anyone else.