Limiting beliefs when you’re stuck on your goals

When I talk about limiting beliefs to clients, they are usually puzzled by the phrase and would ask the question: What do you mean by limiting beliefs? I would explain that when clients are stuck, or they have a goal or are not making progress, the client will know what the next step is but will avoid or will not commit to the step. This is known as limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are so much a part of us that we tend not to see them. In order to bring the limiting beliefs (or rules) out into the open, the coach will ask questions that will help the client identify and work through their limiting beliefs. Emma-Louise Elsey, provides a list of questions that will assist coaches with this process. She indicates that the use of a lot of silence would provide the client with lots of time to ponder and to answer the questions especially after their initial answer. Here are five sets of questions to help identify and work through limiting beliefs:

 

STRAIGHTFORWARD 

CHALLENGE:

• How important is ________ to you really?

• That’s interesting because the evidence suggests (feel free to mention whatever they’re NOT doing) you’re not that interested/committed to ________.

• What else do you think could be getting in the way?

• What hidden rules (or limiting beliefs) do you think you have that could be stopping you from making the progress you desire?

• Interesting. What will you do with this new information?

 

MORE THAN A FEELING!

• Where in your body do you feel stuck or held back?

• Describe the feeling (what, where, frequency, motion, intensity, how it physically feels).

• What do you think that feeling is trying to tell you?

• What do you think that feeling might be trying to protect you from?

• How can you honour the intention behind ________ (the fear) and still move forwards?

 

BREAK THE RULES (Rules are often just limiting beliefs):

• So, what rule/s would you be breaking if you did ________ (the client’s goal/action)?

• Thinking back for a moment, where do you think that rule might have come from?

• Who do you think may have given that rule to you?

• What do you think was the original purpose behind the rule?

• How does that rule apply now?

• If the rule doesn’t apply any more: So, what are you going to do with this new information?

• If the rule still applies: How can we update the rule so that it’s more flexible and you can still achieve the ________ you want?

 

BE SILLY!

• Let’s imagine that it’s something else getting in the way.

• What might you be embarrassed to look at that could be stopping you from ________?

• What might you feel silly to say out loud?

• That sounds perfectly rational to me: If part of you thinks ________, no wonder you haven’t done ________

• So, where do we go from here?

 

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

• What rules do you have about how you should behave, that are getting in the way of you moving forwards?

• How specifically does ________ (rule) affect your ability to move forwards? (REPEAT for each rule)

• Tell me about that. What is that like?

• What would you like instead of ________ (negative effect of rule)?

• Who do you need to be to achieve that?

I do believe that the above questions can be used in our everyday lives when we are having conversations with our family members, friends and co-workers and will help them identify their own limiting beliefs.

For free info on coaching: [email protected] When I talk about limiting beliefs to clients, they are usually puzzled by the phrase and would ask the question: What do you mean by limiting beliefs? I would explain that when clients are stuck, or they have a goal or are not making progress, the client will know what the next step is but will avoid or will not commit to the step. This is known as limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are so much a part of us that we tend not to see them.

In order to bring the limiting beliefs (or rules) out into the open, the coach will ask questions that will help the client identify and work through their limiting beliefs. Emma-Louise Elsey, provides a list of questions that will assist coaches with this process. She indicates that the use of a lot of silence would provide the client with lots of time to ponder and to answer the questions especially after their initial answer.

Here are five sets of questions to help identify and work through limiting beliefs:

 

STRAIGHTFORWARD 

CHALLENGE:

• How important is ________ to you really?

• That’s interesting because the evidence suggests (feel free to mention whatever they’re NOT doing) you’re not that interested/committed to ________.

• What else do you think could be getting in the way?

• What hidden rules (or limiting beliefs) do you think you have that could be stopping you from making the progress you desire?

• Interesting. What will you do with this new information?

 

MORE THAN A FEELING!

• Where in your body do you feel stuck or held back?

• Describe the feeling (what, where, frequency, motion, intensity, how it physically feels).

• What do you think that feeling is trying to tell you?

• What do you think that feeling might be trying to protect you from?

• How can you honour the intention behind ________ (the fear) and still move forwards?

 

BREAK THE RULES (Rules are often just limiting beliefs):

• So, what rule/s would you be breaking if you did ________ (the client’s goal/action)?

• Thinking back for a moment, where do you think that rule might have come from?

• Who do you think may have given that rule to you?

• What do you think was the original purpose behind the rule?

• How does that rule apply now?

• If the rule doesn’t apply any more: So, what are you going to do with this new information?

• If the rule still applies: How can we update the rule so that it’s more flexible and you can still achieve the ________ you want?

 

BE SILLY!

• Let’s imagine that it’s something else getting in the way.

• What might you be embarrassed to look at that could be stopping you from ________?

• What might you feel silly to say out loud?

• That sounds perfectly rational to me: If part of you thinks ________, no wonder you haven’t done ________

• So, where do we go from here?

 

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

• What rules do you have about how you should behave, that are getting in the way of you moving forwards?

• How specifically does ________ (rule) affect your ability to move forwards? (REPEAT for each rule)

• Tell me about that. What is that like?

• What would you like instead of ________ (negative effect of rule)?

• Who do you need to be to achieve that?

 

I do believe that the above questions can be used in our everyday lives when we are having conversations with our family members, friends and co-workers and will help them identify their own limiting beliefs.For free info on coaching: [email protected]