I asked a mother of five children, how she did it all. How did she manage children, husband, self, sanity? Imperfectly, she answered. I've been coming to terms with that word since and thinking about its meanings for me.
One the one hand, there's the baby, spending quality time with her and enjoying it, making sure she eats enough and feels loved and cared for. On the other hand, there is my job and all the things that I am behind on and short of time for. I keep thinking back to my ghost wings, dreaming of myself in sci-fi with four arms. My mummy academic friends say that I should accept I'm off the fast track and on the slow train. Maybe now I can only do my best imperfectly.
I talk to other mothers of three and four children, who are now finding time for themselves, their ambitions and their passions, now that their children are grown and gone. They decided they couldn't do it all and made choices to be the best at what they did do, and even then some continued to feel that they could have done better. Others abandoned those standards and learned to accept their own capabilities, boundaries and even limitations. Every woman I meet seems to be a super-person and yet, in the midst of managing seemingly everything, you hear those dilemmas of acceptance about themselves and their struggles to do it all well.
The real wake up call came in a conversation with an amazing colleague who somehow manages to head a programme, raise two children, organise a weekly newspaper column, supervise students and engage in outreach. She said her daughter, now at adolescence, is entering one of the most demanding periods of her schooling and that it is really, really hard.
Really? Somewhere in my mind, I thought that after a few years, it would get easier. I had a weird, linear progression of getting my act together mapped out in my head. It never occurred to me that there could be steps back just as there are ones forward. I never imagined that someone so amazing would still be feeling as I do now. Knowing that her words could still be mine ten years from now was overwhelming.
I'm glad beyond belief for women, friends and colleagues who share with me the imperfection of their reality and who give me perfect advice about how to accept my own. I'm trying to do all they suggest: accept, focus, prioritise, breathe, let go, keep strong. I'm also trying to make balance, being present and being grateful my foundation because I know that today life is perfect and tomorrow that perfection might just be gone.
So, I'm reaching deep for words and maturity and spirit. I'm heartened and terrified at the same time because somehow I'm doing it all and it's all getting done...imperfectly.