"OH gorm, come see what Michelle Obama wearing!''
The voice shot through to the kitchen, where I was trying to whip up two hops with roast chicken, slight pepper.
His voice trembled. My heart fluttered.
When a man whose idea of dressing up is tucking in his shirt sounds that kind of alarm, almost as if shouting "Fire!'' you know something serious is happening.
I tripped over a slipper, chair and a stuffed toy to dash to the screen.
Gulp.
What, indeed, was she wearing?
It is all Michelle Obama's own stubborn fault. I warned her: don't wait till the last minute to ask my advice on what to wear to the presidential inauguration.
Wouldn't you know, she ended up at the mercy of Thom Brown, who thinks men's ties are a good inspiration for the First Lady on an occasion when the whole world would be watching.
Because of my hectic schedule donating my opinion to the masses, Michelle couldn't get through to me in time to help her sort through design sketches and mounds of fabric swatches–why else did I not hear from her?–and so resorted to a terrorist in the disguise of a menswear designer.
Maybe the collarless coat (concealing a pale grey fit-and-flare dress mimicking the lines of the jacket and blue bolero) looked smashing up close and in person. I hear the silk jacquard had a subtle sheen and the cut combined with the pattern produced a striking geometric effect. But on television it was a dull grey in a boring check which better suited some Madam Kommandant in a war factory than the lovely Michelle.
The knee-high suede boots and purple gloves were just the thing, though, and made me wish for snow and ice so I could wear the exact same pairs.
The First Lady wears bright colours so well–remember the gold Isabel Toledo sheath dress and jacket at the historic 2009 inauguration–that it shocked me to see her in that uniform.
Michelle, with your height and elegant frame, there is no way you can live in the dark. You belong in purple, ruby, yellow, emerald, sapphire–shades that shout joy, opulence, hope, drama.
Leave the sombre tones for whoever comes after because, poor thing, she will always be compared with you and the safest course for your successor to do is do the opposite and live in black, grey and navy, as if resurrecting heroin chic.
Luckily, I rescued Michelle in time for the ball and immediately e-mailed to her, from my own wardrobe, that splendid red velvet and chiffon gown with the exposed back. She killed in that number. And to show no hard feelings, I am going to let her keep it for the permanent display in the White House museum's collection of inaugural balls.
But you gotta hand it to the Double First Lady. Being unpredictable is its own signature. The saboteur failed. Nothing could look really bad on Michelle.
Fashionistas are interpreting her Thom Brown choice in huge philosophical ways–from the fizzy hope of 2009, she's ushering in a new theme of sober pragmatism; she's signalling more of a role in the White House; she's a woman of power.
Blah, blah, blah. This is a woman who insisted on wearing her own clothing for a Vogue 2009 shoot, saying she was in no need of a makeover.
The story is as simple as this: Michelle Obama wears what she likes and what she wants. That's hard to quarrel with.
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