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One and done

Published: 
Thursday, March 7, 2013
BACK FOR GOOD

Eh! Dat is my new salutation for allyuh. This week, all ah have to say is six. Six! Nah. Now ah doh really deal up in de current affairs and de politics. It’s kind of boring, really. But when I heard this one, I just had to say something. Six yuh say?!?!? Ah whole one, two, three, four, five and six. Is chirren ah talking about. Dat woman is ah boss. Just saying. I remember the day I found out I was preggers. December 30, 2007. First time in my adult life, I spat out coffee. That’s when I knew. Cause ah would never spit out ah Starbucks.

 

Well that and meh tut tuts felt a bit bigger but I didn’t think that God gave me a little extra at age 31. So ah peed on meh stick and leh meh tell allyuh, dat second line never reach as fast! So yeah, me, preggers!!! I remember the first thing I did was call my Mommy. She soooooo didn’t get it. Prior to the actual pregnant phone call, every time I called and said “Guess what?” she would always reply, “Yuh pregnant?!?!” I always had to disappoint her. This time, I called and softly said, “Wha yuh doing August next year?” She was confused. Then I slammed it on her. “Well, you have to come see your first grandchild.” All I hear is her screaming at meh fadda dat I pregnant. Imagine me calling her to tell her I was having six! I really eh know what ah woulda do nah.

 

I didn’t know what to do with the one, far less for five more. All at the same age. All with the same needs. And my luck, it woulda be at the same time. Ah feelin to vomit just thinking about it. Firstly, I have two mammary glands. How ah feedin’ six bubba with two boobies?!?! Two at a time for three sessions? Ah suppose if God give yuh six babies, he go give yuh de milk supply yuh need. Breastfeeding for me was a breeze. I was in London when I had the boy and all the antenatal classes spoke of breastfeeding being sometimes challenging. Eh heh? My chile come out huuuuuungry. He latch on like a leech and went for it. It was a nice feeling, feeding my child naturally. Can’t imagine doing it for six ah dem. With only one bubba, I certainly had enough milk to feed six.

 

I remember one morning (early!) my boy bep out mid-feed and de nipple fall out he mouth! Who knew a nipple was like a shower head? I sit down and see milk fly ah good three feet out of at least four different holes. Dat ever happen to allyuh or is jes me? Now de bossman was sleeping so at first ah thought I was hallucinating but then it happened again in his presence. So ah didn’t feel anymore mad than I usually do. Ah couldn’t do dat with six doh. I remember the first time I took the boy out, strapped to me in his baby carrier thingy.

 

He would fall asleep in ah one. Bess present ever! Man, I remember sometimes waiting for the sun to rise, just so ah could take him for a walk so he could sleep and I could get some peace. And yeah, yeah I know he only jes came out but is nine months ah carry him for! And hear nah, waiting for the sun in London, especially in the last three months of the year, was like waiting for paint to dry.

 

How ah was doing dat with six ah dem? Wha ah go do? Take each ah de for a five-minute stroll? Who go watch de other five? Madness. Radio station Slam 100.5 FM tweeted if yuh had six babies what yuh would call dem. Me? It woulda had to be one, two, three, four, five and John. Me eh know. Choosing the boy’s name was challenging enough. And dat was one. And hear nah, in some cultures, the belief is whatever yuh call yuh chile, dat is how de go be. As in the meaning of the name, etc.

 

So if that was ah guarantee, ah would have to call them Quiet, Calm, Well-Behaved, Obedient, Docile and Genius. Ah coulda take one ah dem jumping out ah little. Hats off to that woman yes. Ah hope real corporate citizens come out and help she yes. Diapers, crib, clothes. Dem need all kinda ting. Me? Ah cyan offer nuttin nah. Well, she could call me if she want to vent. I’s ah good listener

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