A single mother of three wrote to say how stressed out she had been feeling because of the demands of her job and raising the kids only with the help of her elderly mother who spent time with them as often as she could.This mother's main concern was that because she was always tired, she hardly ever had any time to spend with them. Above all, she felt guilty because she just didn't want to hear from them once she got home, so most of her children's evening hours were spent watching television.Whether you are a father, mother, teacher, aunt, uncle, grandparent or caregiver the above situation may interest you. Whether you have one child, five children or no children, you may find this conversation interesting.
Whether you touch a child's life for one minute, one day, one month, one year or one lifetime, you may be pleased to have an opportunity to reflect on the quality of the mark that you leave on what one psychologist has called the child's "blank slate or the tabula rasa."I am glad that this mother is concerned about her impact on these young children.At some point in this life or the next I believe that we will all be accountable for that sacred trust and it is not too late for us to check in and see how well or how badly we are doing. What kind of marks have we left?How have these marks affected the children whose lives we have touched?
If we are doing well, we must do better; if we are doing badly, we must strive to do better, now.Let's ponder, realise and accept that our children are under siege, while we adults confront and cope with the solemn and serious responsibility of family leadership, in a world of change and challenge.Almost always, the mystery of what we become, who we are, what we do, and how we live, lie in the depths of our childhood experiences.Ah, the power of parents, and others endowed with the sacred trust of child-rearing! In today's hectic world where the television and video games rule, we, the adults, the leaders must take back prime time! We must become the stars who leave the marks on the minds of our children.Let us not leave this sacred trust to the strangers who will sometimes touch our children's lives.
The question becomes, how can we do this alone while also fighting to put food on the table?In this mother's case, I recommend building a stronger support system, in addition to her elderly mother.Then, find the inner strength that we all have to do the best that you can. In this case, this means finding a little time to listen and to let the children know that they are loved.I know that there are parents who have no television sets in their homes. I know of parents who don't allow video games in the house. I am not one of those parents and I am not suggesting that you be one either.I commend those parents for their strength in taking that firm stand against the norm of what is happening today–television rules with video games as a good second-in-command. I happen to believe that moderation is the key.
Let your children watch the television and play the video games–to an extent–but let your voice dominate.What I am trying to say is that while we can allow our children to watch television, play video games and do all the activities that compete for our time today, we must set aside time to talk and to listen.It is very easy to lose these opportunities that will never come back. Like the sped arrow, the spoken work and the lost opportunity, our children will grow, leave home, even die and we would not have left our marks on their slates.So, the time to begin is now. Whether you have a teenager or a toddler, here are some tips for when you talk and listen.
Seven Laws for Listening
�2 Children know when we are really listening, so listen with sincerity.
�2 Children need consistency, so listen regularly.
�2 Children need time, so make time to listen.
�2 Children need love; listening is love.
�2 Put down the pen, close the book, and turn off the phone
�2 Remember that we communicate with our expressions as well
�2 Sometimes we don't need to talk, just listen.