The tremendous pressure of dealing with "the most wonderful time" of the year with the gathering of friends and family, increased Christmas events, decorating, entertaining, cooking, and increased drinking takes a toll on the best among us.
For people living with mental illness, for any amount of reasons, it could be the most nerve-racking time of the year. But my mind's eye is turned towards those who are subjects of domestic violence, both perpetrators and abused. They are clearly among persons who experience higher stress and distress during the season's frenzied tempo.
The US National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says, "Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behaviour perpetrated by an intimate partner against another. It's an epidemic affecting individuals in every community, regardless of age, economic status, race, religion, nationality or educational background (www.ncadv.org/)."
I grew up in a home that did not include any of that definition and my resolve is hard. But I know people who are subject to physical injury, psychological trauma, and sometimes death. These days I'm extremely uncomfortable–sick to the core really, about those I know who are enduring abuse. Prompted by the irrational killing of a well-liked, larger-than-life personality from my village, I've been visited–more like haunted � by the real possibility of untimely death for anyone who remains in a violent relationship.
The report last November said, "Alicia 'Sency' Sydney, 40, a community activist from Basse Terre Village, was staying at the suspect's Charuma Village, Biche home that night... The couple started arguing just before midnight. They clashed about Sydney's pawned jewelry, which the suspect had failed to retrieve. During the course of the argument, the man took a knife and stabbed and chopped Sydney multiple times about the body."
A relative took to Facebook to defend Sency's honour saying that perpetrator's action was not prompted by any of the vicious rumours that were being told but that "she (Sency) loved foolishly" because even though the "relationship was a violent one, she kept going back, despite warnings."
I saw photos of her headless body; that is unforgettable, that is not love.
Somehow, when domestic violence stories take their last turn there's always an abuser or "ex" somebody, a suspect, or, a body (or two). There's no positive ending unless the abused takes opportunity to leave and survive the situation.
To me, it seems easy to say that I'd never stay in an abusive relationship but someone may say that's because I'm not in one. I've read many discussions about why women/men stay in abusive relationships, about the psychology of abusers and abused, the dynamics that govern their "existence" together, and much more. (See http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/spousal.html)
And I'm familiar with spousal abusers. We all know them because we hear every loud, filthy thing they shout over the noise of our TV sets, morning, noon or night, with no regard for who hears or who listens (though they are not all rowdy). With the fresh reality of last month's horror, I'm drawing attention to the fact that violence increases in the "most wonderful time of the year" either with regular verbal infractions or increase physical abuse (http://www.kfvs12.com/story/).
I harbour disquiet for the season's overflowing "cheer". I realised last week that part of 2014's Christmas dread is for the ruckus that I'm certain to be privy to this month, without fail.
For one thing, there's greater pressure to have more money to secure everything that people assume they need for the holiday celebrations and this always erupts in loud and regular cuss outs.
Then there's more alcohol freely available. In fact, a lot of people associate Christmas with alcohol consumption. Among those are abusers who seem bolstered in their inebriation.
I'm writing this today realising I'm sick to the core about this recurring scenario. I write to warn someone that the mental paralysis that you experience, which is hindering your ability to become a survivor is conquerable.
If you're living with a violent partner or ex-partner always controlling, abusive, compulsive liar, provocative, immature, aggressive, constantly criticising, manipulative, deceptive, refusing to communicate and co-operate, charming when he or she needs to be, you are a victim of serial bullying (www.bullyonline.org).
As I said to a friend recently, every day you stay is a day too long. Every time he raises his hand in threat he's more empowered, every "incident" may be the last one for you.
The search for freedom and dignity may seem insurmountable but I urged my friend as I urge you to access the countless resources online and other available support. One feature cannot give the solutions but I hope that it encourages you to take back your life before it's too late. If you are an abuser, get help. If you are the abused, get out. Believe that death is imminent, and desire life because as my mother would say, "When yuh dead yuh done."