Having someone give you her or his undivided attention by listening to what you have to say can be magical.
It amazes me how many opportunities we miss on a daily basis to make the people in our lives feel worthy, respected, valued, loved because we do not listen as well as we can or should.
Of course, this is not deliberate. In some cases, we have forgotten, in other cases we are isolated at work and then we have so much to say when we do have a chance to talk, we forget how to listen.
Right now is a good time to think about the kind of listener you are.
Do you listen while you look at the television or check your e-mail?
Do people always preface their calls to you by saying, "I know you are busy but....."
Do your children often have to remind you that you did give them permission to do this or that? (because you didn't really hear the request but responded).
Are you blatantly accused sometimes of not paying attention?
You know, you may be missing out on some really great opportunities to live and appreciate those around you. Don't be like the 70-year-old who was crying out on her death bed, "Help me! I don't want to die. I haven't lived."
So, are up for a change? If you are, let's talk about some practical but effective ways that you can listen actively.
I know you've probably heard all this before but making eye contact is so important in our everyday lives. We don't like to admit this but we all do so much better when we feel connected to others, when we have meaningful relationships and when we make others feel good. One way to do this–and it's free–is appropriate and meaningful eye contact. Remember to change the quality and length of the eye contact depending on what you want and need to communicate. This can be a very powerful tool–so use it well and wisely.
If you are talking to your child, you may want to communicate lovingly whereas if you are a teacher and communicating with a student, this eye contact needs to be different, maybe a mixture of caring with deep interest. If you are in the process of disciplining the student, then your eyes will want to communicate serious business.
Then, with your spouse depending on what the conversation is about, you will also want to communicate with your eyes. I believe that our hearts can be seen through our eyes so showing others how we feel and letting them know what we want to communicate can be done very effectively as we listen with our eyes.
Haven't you noticed when we go to the bank or to the supermarket and someone takes the time to make that eye contact while they tell us to "have a nice day" what a difference it can make, even when it's nine at night? We can forgive them for telling us to have a nice day, if they say it with meaning and if they take time to look at us–in the eye. Is it just me or do we all feel better when we feel connected with others?
So, whether we are doing an important job interview or shopping at our favourite store, we agree that an appropriate degree of eye contact is important. After this, and equally important is what I call sacred listening. I call it sacred because in today's busy world, many of us do not really listen to one another. We are either listening to the television at the same time, multitasking, texting, dialing a number or occupied with something while we attempt to listen. This robs of us some very unique opportunities especially with our own children, partners and colleagues. We need to all practice to listen and "attend" to the person attempting to speak with us.
We "attend" by giving the person speaking to us our undivided attention. We need to either set aside what we are doing completely for the moment or ask the person to come back later when we can give them our attention. This is only fair and respectful, too.
In today's busy, high-tech, complex and often troubled world, having someone listen to us and "attend" to what we are saying has become rare. So, any time we give someone our full, undivided attention, that person feels appreciated and valued. Listening becomes a magical potion that can stimulate, motivate and sustain us as we face challenges every day.