Technology has changed our world and the way we live. It has also changed the way we love, and how we make love. These changes are not incremental as many experts profess, but rapid and constant. Its impact has affected the very core of our existence and, in many ways, has enriched our lives. However, the stark reality is that this life force can also adversely affect our efforts in creating and maintaining strong, happy and healthy relationships.
Relationships have been under siege for centuries, as we've struggled to explain the paradox of what instigates the challenge for partners when they begin to cohabitate under one roof. Today's high divorce rate underscores the necessity of finding real solutions to this age-old oxymoron.
The mayhem that exists within the walls of many households confirms this theory. Evils that result when love relationships fail to endure include child neglect and abuse, domestic violence, suicide, homicide, incest, delinquency among our youth, school failure, sexual orientation uncertainty, escalated economic hardship and job loss, depression and other physical and mental health problems.
Time was always a scarce commodity, and now the common complaint is that partners manage to find a disproportionate amount of tech-time that far exceeds their already depleted sex-time. Both men and women spend too much time browsing instead of embracing, and texting rather than talking. We stroke our keypads, not our partners, and eat in front of our computers rarely facing each other. When cellphones and social media take priority over human interaction, it is time to take action!
Foreplay is one solution to help us get on firmer ground. The practice of foreplay can change the very essence of a relationship by enriching the lives of those who attempt to understand the power, the necessity, and the importance of making the time to "play" before rushing into sex.
Foreplay, the powerful path to great sex, begins with that first look–or touch–the spark that inspires intimacy between lovers for the duration of the day...and beyond. This applies to all lovers–husband and wife, partners in life, and same sex couples alike–it is your sexual partner to whom you turn for love and acceptance and mutual trust. A healthy perception of your sexual life determines the flavour of your actual sexual encounters. Perception is powerful.
Kids love to play, but too many adults have forgotten the pure joy that comes from child play. Foreplay can be any act that elicits the kind of sexual behaviour you want from your partner. You have that power to act, but at times it's easy to forget the reward of paying close attention to the needs and desires of a partner. What you do at dawn may determine what happens at dusk.
Why does the flirting stop when partners move in together? Flirting is fun and even more exciting when the object of your flirtation is your lover. Then you are beginning to light the fire that will burn even brighter with time. You can choose to enjoy your entire "meal" at dawn, but with small bites as an appetiser this play at breakfast will guarantee better choices later at the main course.
Foreplay must also be continued so it becomes a pattern of behaviour. Telephone–don't just text–and speak with your lover at some point during the day just to say, "I love you" or "I miss you" or "I'm planning a great dinner" or "how about we grab a quick bite and see a movie tonight."
Remember to use a tone that conveys desire to him or her for your planned encounter later. Both men and women love to be pampered.
Bring home token gifts–a book or book mark that doesn't cost a fortune; a magazine that supports your lover's favourite hobby or topic; a candle to provide a tantalising aroma; and, of course, a bouquet of flowers works almost every time.
These are important ingredients of foreplay that will enhance your fun and add spice to your relationship.
Some fundamental challenges to a sustaining loving relationship and the ability to forge and renew sexual relations through foreplay: the lack of communication, false modesty, and instability. Of great importance: mutual respect, integrity, self-fulfillment and self-management.
Mastering these techniques and skills will guarantee solid and lasting relationships despite the ever-looming forces like technology.
�2 Dr Starke is a psychotherapist/Life skills coach and OD (Organisational Development) consultant who provides workshops/seminars. E-mail thestarkereality@gmail.com or www.ctclifeskills.com.