Close to the Highway Re-route Movement and Wayne Kublalsingh's second hunger strike, there have been moments of self-reckoning, of seeking optimism in every step forward, and of continuing to weave passion for a better world with level-headed analysis about the actual terrain.
I've asked myself what constitutes a movement and how many must comprise its ranks? Are a handful of active individuals with wider, more passive public sympathy enough?
What happens when those few individuals become worn down, hopeless, unable to sacrifice more, and alienated by others who find them too troublesome or disloyal? What is the role of others in supporting them and how can larger popular energy be genuinely gathered rather than appear as manufactured momentum?
What does it mean when the public does not rally en masse behind citizen challenge to state power, but when that engagement is doubtlessly better for public life now and in the future? Wrapped in the mix of public dialogue are also PR spin, media control, prejudices, misinformation, anger, fear and an array of other pressing sufferations. How to effectively engage our volatile but potential paradise with clarity and truth, knowing that the status quo is backed by elite silences, political party loyalties, narrowly calculated development models, entrenched interests with bigger resources, and complex histories of distrust?
It's easy to sit back and criticise what ordinary citizens, fighting for one kind of justice or another, haven't done, to have the privilege of hindsight in evaluating their strategy, or to misinterpret their failures as proof of their illegitimacy.
It's easy to point to questions of ego or single-minded leadership as if reflection on ego, pride and single-mindedness isn't part of our own being human too. It's easy to be uninformed, to disparage and to resort to quick anger. Rather, we should be asking how we can build consensus, connect to each other in ways that reveal resolution, and hold each other as allies whatever our differences, for aren't we all called on to create one nation?
Hard and honest answers are necessary for the consciousness raising, advocacy and organising that seem endlessly ahead, whether in relation to governmental transparency, gender equality, ending violence or preservation of the only ecosystem we will ever have.
In reckoning, I've asked myself what kind of leader I want to be, navigating between personal vision and responsibility to a collective mandate. I've thought hard about how the revolutionary act of motherhood, a feminist commitment to public politics but also to family, must be a strategic guide.
I've questioned the implications of using guilt or pressure, or even unfairly disparaging citizens or officials' names, avoiding the manipulation, and divide and rule of politicians. I've wondered at the costs of giving your lifetime or your life to a political principle, and hope I could find any of that commitment, knowing that there should be no other way to live.
These past weeks of this unique hunger strike, whatever its outcome, have brought me up close with passion, for who feels it knows. Kublalsingh's individual defense of democracy, community and sustainability as inalienable from development's meanings is only part of a much larger collective which will soldier on for rights, justice, accountability, compassion and more, in every way we can imagine, in the ways already ongoing, fearlessly.
When in doubt, there is always our own Caribbean history, reminding that change is always possible, and that we inherit a homegrown spirit of defiance instead of defeat.
These are dread times, but when have they not been? What to remember from this moment? To keep giving life to optimism, passion and uncompromising truth.