What­ev­er she is...she's back! Now you can en­joy the wit and wis­dom of El­sa Wrench in the T&T?Guardian. We asked her to de­scribe her­self-but she was com­plete­ly un­help­ful: "I used to be the shop-till-you drop cor­re­spon­dent back in the nineties, but in this econ­o­my that might be in­sen­si­tive and, nowa­days, even though I take all my vi­t­a­mins, the drop comes so much faster dur­ing the shop.

"I once as­pired to be a fash­ion­ista, but that would be am­bi­tious, since I still have not mas­tered the high heel." So just what is she good for, then? El­sa says: "I have been in­flict­ing my opin­ion on peo­ple for decades and most of my friends are still speak­ing to me and invit­ing me to their par­ties.

I can say what oth­er peo­ple think but don't voice be­cause they fear of­fend­ing the wrong peo­ple; don't have the time to ar­tic­u­late their deep­est thoughts; are ashamed to ac­knowl­edge their guilty plea­sures; or are so busy be­ing sen­si­ble and ma­ture, they have for­got­ten how to laugh." You can find El­sa Wrench in the Life To­day sec­tion of your T&T Guardian every Mon­day, start­ing Oc­to­ber 22.