Violence against Children Conference hears: Women also violating men

A burst of laughter from women watching a video presentation at yesterday’s Violence Against Children Conference prompted a male participant to harshly criticise the womens’ behaviour, saying every day men were being financially, emotionally and psychologically abused by women. Today is the last day of the three-day conference at the Hyatt Regency, Port-of-Spain.

The tongue-lashing by Brian Bradshaw happened during a presentation by behaviour change consultant Frank Dolly on the topic of bullying.  The presentation showed a staged incident where a young man was bullied into surrendering a box of chicken and chips to another youth. That youth in turn was bullied and slapped by another man who snatched the meal.

Bradshaw, a member of Men Against Violence Against Women, said the laughter was a “first class example” of how men’s pain was trivialised. “Had it been a reversal of the role in the video people would have been cringing. Some would have been crying and choking... we don’t have safe spaces for men and boys to talk about the bullying, the abuse, the incest,” Bradshaw said.

He also branded society as hypocritical because it was only when certain things happened to people or the children of people of a certain ilk did issues like bullying come to the national agenda. Saying many men are also sexually violated by women whom they trust, Bradshaw said those were not gender problems but rather “human problems.” 

Bradshaw, who said he was also abused “to some degree” by a woman, added there were women who emotionally abused men in the worst way particularily by insulting their anatomy. “Women are the number one perpetrators of emotional abuse... the amount of things a woman can tell you to emasculate you, to destroy you... it’s painful.

“They tell you, ‘you like a pennacool in hot sun. What make you sure those children are yours? I have faked my orgasms all these years.’ Women are experts at emotional abuse and this is more dangerous than the physical abuse. It’s not about defending men it’s about human rights.” Some women, he added, were also responsible for financially abusing men when they demanded, “my money is my money and your money is my money.”

And there were those women, Bradshaw charged, who knew how to control men, using sex. “Women also played deadly sexual politics... vaginal politics in the bedroom as a way to control their men,” Bradshaw said. Asked to explain what he meant Bradshaw said that was using sex as a weapon of “power and control big time” in the bedroom.

Creating more non-governmental organisations was not the way forward to assist men but rather creating “spaces” for them to talk about their problem. “We have to encourage critical thinking. Nobody deals with the issue of people growing up in different demographic environment and having different experiences. We are under this myth that we are all one,” he said.

A woman in the conference then apologised for the laughter, saying she understood the message in the video was very serious but the manner in which the scene was played out sparked humour.