Smokey, the former bush lawyer and political leader of the Liberal Piper Party (LPP), sat down in the middle of Woodford Square in his ill-fitting suit three sizes too big for him.
He had fallen on hard times since the 2025 General Election, when he failed to win his seat. Now he had to fight with the birds for a bench in Woodford Square because the LPP’s marijuana-based economic manifesto failed at the polls.
Smokey had tried to keep the LPP going so that he could live off of party donations, but his members soon saw through his ruse. Smokey’s tall tales of submitting an application to take or carry away mangoes under the Larceny Act to the Commissioner of Police were exposed as the rantings of a madman.
The LPP was too small to be mentioned by the UNC and PNM and too irrelevant to even have a voice on public affairs like the MSJ. The last time Smokey got into an argument on social media with two dozen fake profiles all run by one man, he was dubbed the political vagrant of Trinidad and Tobago.
Seeking to escape political vagrancy by becoming relevant, Smokey looked for his next opportunity. He had to find an issue to protest and walk in front of Parliament with a placard, then he might get on the news and attract new members to the LPP.
Then he could ‘eat ah food’ from his membership dues.
Smokey saw an old man with a newspaper nod off on a park bench nearby. Smokey deftly walked up to the old man and liberated him of the burden of reading the latest news.
“Boy like you tief my papers,” said the old man, now awake.
“Gentle sir, I am borrowing it to peruse the news. What’s your name?” Smokey quipped, his rhythmic style meant to impress.
“Frankie Nurse is the name.”
“You can call me Smokey, founder of the Liberal Piper Party.”
“My eyes not too good again at my age, wuh going on in the news?”
“I see something here about Carnival bands giving out sex toys to women.”
“What? No wonder I can’t find a madam, us men can’t compete with modern technology, especially if I doh take a viagra at my age.”
Smokey realised he had found his issue. Sex sells; men not getting sex could be the basis of his political movement. Thousands of angry incel voters could propel him out of political vagrancy into relevancy.
“Sir, join my political party, and we will fight for your right to have a madam. Ban all sex toys, I say!” Smokey said.
How do I join?”
“Pay a sign-up fee of five hundred dollars and I’ll fill out your form.”
“Nah! I iz a pensioner, can’t afford dat. Who you need to talk to is Small Pin, he go join your party for $20 dollars and a beer.”
“Where do I find him?”
“On the corner of Backayard and Boys Lane in Belmont.”
“Thanks, Mr Nurse, I going Belmont.”
Smokey heard a mas band approaching and jumped into the crowd to steal $20 and a cold beer from a drunk reveller. He ducked out of the crowd and walked all the way to Boys Lane in Belmont and found a man sitting down on the corner wearing a wife-beater and short pants with a needle and syringe in his hand.
“Sir, are you the gentleman they call Small Pin?” Smokey asked.
“Yeah, they call me dat, wah yuh want?”
“Do you want to join the Liberal Piper Party and protest against sex toys? We will fight for your right to get a madam.”
“First of all, I am not doing nutting for free. Second of all, my manhood is above average size; they call me Small Pin because I inject.”
“I have $20 and a cold beer, will you stand up in front of Parliament with me for that?”
“Sure, hand it over.”
Smokey handed Small Pin the beer and money. Small pin cracked open the beer with his teeth and used the syringe to suck it up; he then injected the beer into his veins.
“Lawd fadda, what did you just do?? I thought you injected drugs, you can just drink the beer,” Smokey said.
“Try it, you might like it.”
“Well, boy, if you’re doing dat, you really go do or say anything. Next week, we’ll head down to Red House together and protest. We hadda ban sex toys, the archbishop say he want regulation, we go get the Catholic vote in the party,” Smokey said.
The next week, Smokey and Small Pin were outside Parliament with placards, harassing both UNC and PNM senators with insults about sex toys.
One picture of Smokey and Small Pin with placards went viral on social media. Now Smokey was back in the game. All it took was one honest piper and a man willing to inject beer into his veins, and the Liberal Piper Party was relevant again, making political noise and collecting donations.
