What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. - Richard Wilbur, poet and translator (Mar 1, 1921-2017)
So far, the defining emotions of the 21st century seem to be anger, anxiety and loneliness. Loneliness is that disturbing feeling one has when there is a lack of meaningful social connections.
It may not be happening as much in T&T, although with the advent of the smartphone, some would dispute that. We are a small-island society with a love of gossiping face-to- face, but there is a great deal of talk in cosmopolitan places about this breakdown in connections within society. This lack of connection (or separation from each other) was ruthlessly exacerbated by the twin pandemics of social media from around 2015 to the present and of COVID-19 from 2020-2024.
The repercussions of those two are ongoing. So are the figures on loneliness: Americans today accumulate hundreds, even thousands, of Facebook “friends” and Instagram followers. Yet, 35% report having less than three close friends. A stunning 17% report having none. That’s almost one in five. No close friends!
In 2010, the average American spent almost three hours a day with family; 75 minutes with friends; two and half hours with co-workers and an hour and a half with children. In 2023, comparable figures are two hours with family; an hour with friends, two hours with co-workers and 45 minutes with children.
Increasing isolation is linked to trust or lack of it. From 1960-2000, the percentage of people who say “most people can be trusted” fell from 60% to around 35%, where it presently lies. It’s probably the same in T&T.
This phenomenon of social isolation is linked to the rise in social media: Americans watch 3.5 hours of TV daily in addition to 4.5 hours on smartphones. Eight hours a day with digital media!
It’s my observation that Trinidadians are not far behind. Less time spent with humans, more time with machines, equals a setup for social isolation and loneliness.
But this rise in isolation has been going on for decades.
It began in the mid-20th century, when new social and entertainment technologies (e.g., air conditioning and television) set in motion a long, gradual increase of isolation at home and decreased local community interaction. By the 1980s, that loss of community interaction had weakened social trust and helped erode outdoor play-based childhood. Parents preferred their children to play inside. By 2010, the arrival of the phone-based childhood filled the vacuum. Smartphones increase isolation.
Attempts to isolate people are ominously present in paediatrics. It’s simply astounding the efforts we make to separate mothers from their children.
It begins during labour, when medication or epidurals separate the mother from the pain of delivering her baby. It continues as soon as the child is born, when the baby is removed from the mother, wrapped up in “baby clothes” and placed in a cot or worse, inside an incubator. Total separation of a healthy baby from its mother.
At home, there are things called “a nursery” and “a crib.” A nursery is a big room with a big bed with walls for a small baby to lie in state. The mother sleeps elsewhere because she is told she may roll over and stifle her baby if, heaven forbid, she should show an inclination to sleep with her baby. The mother may even be made to feel low-class if she expresses a desire for her baby to sleep with her. A side effect of sleeping separation is making breastfeeding at night difficult. This, of course, is made to order for formula companies. So, the baby is removed from its natural position on the breast, skin-to-skin, heart-to-heart, in contact with its mother, and another artificial object is interposed between the baby and its mother, a bottle or a pacifier.
Even when the baby is taken outside for a walk, moms no longer carry their babies on their bodies. A pram is needed.
The final insult to the mother-child dyad is the advice to “let the child cry,” “don’t pick up the child,” “yuh going to spoil the chile!”
Separation, lack of connections, leads to loneliness and we start it these days at birth. Is it any wonder the children grow up confused?
