Life presents a number of emotional pills, some more difficult to swallow than others. Some situations see victims taking days, months or even years before they’re able to digest an emotional hurt of one kind or another.
In the current dispensation, relationships are navigating many turbulent seas with many falling victims of rejection. On the spur of the moment, you may be filled with feelings of being the worst human to have walked planet earth but in hindsight, it may be a necessary experience to strengthen your resilience and boost your self-confidence.
Because of life’s fluidity, caution should always inform the depth of one’s emotional attachments—building those on strong pillars would be useful during extreme challenges and in the presence of dismantling moments. Being rejected by someone does not define who you are, neither does it change the situation; what it does is throws you into deep introspection that requires picking up the pieces and identifying new ground to rejuvenate.
Traditional barriers and norms must be broken in treating with emotional trauma. First on the list, do not become emotionally stupefied by anyone, as that can be the beginning of your trek up the ladder of rejection. You must accept what it is before you and avoid creating a “can’t live without you” trajectory.
Think about you not others
The unfortunate murder-suicide of two police officers that occurred recently, demonstrated some level of weakness, as it was reported that the male victim was sometimes jeered at by his peers—this was something which he was unable to live with.
Living to please others is a grave mistake made by many individuals, something which contributes to making irrational decisions. Life is about you, your goals and self-confidence and not how others think you should live and/or do. With such a mentality, you’d continuously be distracted by the comments and opinions of others.
Mastering rejection requires a strong and mentally stable psyche, one that says it’s ok to be rejected, particularly if each party is sitting on opposite sides of the emotional divide. With such a scenario, it may be in the best interest of both parties to remain on their preferred sides. Instead of drowning in denial, confront the situation head-on, as that’s the only smart option available in coping with the pain in a refreshed manner. Although I am referencing relationships in this piece, coping strategies shared are applicable if you were unsuccessful for a promotion, not being invited to your best friend’s wedding or even embarrassment and/or disappointment inside or outside your family circle. View rejection as an expected part of life as it is evidence that you are living an all-embracing life. Keep in mind that a shot of rejection can hit from anyone including family members.
Step out of your comfort zone, look around, check the experiences of others and you’d understand not every door knocked will be opened; all calls won’t be positive; some projects will be rejected and the list is endless. Being affected by regret takes some down a path of victim blaming and the authors of unnecessary “what if” scenarios which redound in continuously reliving negative experiences as if they were the architects. Instead of responding to negative self-talk, practice positive affirmations which are proven remedies.
Because of the depth of its pain, rejection activates your inner fears and pushes you down the blame cliff. Like all other emotional ills which enter our lives sometimes forcibly, rejection must be handled with an attitude that says “you may try, but you can’t define me even if I erred”. There is no perfect human on this earth as every one possesses good and bad characteristics, and so, being rejected by someone does not mean that they’re superior to you. In fact, their rejection is hinged to their personal reasons which may not even be factual.
Rejection tips
In many instances, rejection is a huge blessing but victims are sometimes blinkered and so miss the moment. Remember, you are now free to connect with people who possess the attributes you’re seeking. Be reminded that rejection is based on one’s personal opinion which is purely subjective and more than likely, would be filled with gaps of missing information that contributed to the situation as it’s all about them being right and you being wrong. Also, the number of self-opinionated reasons and narcissism that created the situation should strengthen your emotional resolve and hasten your advance in moving on as you are not twinned to anyone. Instead of emoting, pull critical lessons out of the situation to avoid a recurrence; constructive advice and/or criticisms do not mean that you are flawed but should be viewed as essential to improving your learnings as you traverse through life.
Adriana Sandrine Isaac-Rattan is president of the International Women’s Resource Network/Communications Consultant.