The evolution of wine

So this seems to be the year of the “wine.” Machel has taken wining to illegal status, and has many instructions on how to wine and “Bend Over.” Benjai has developed a new wining technique. Destra “Feel to Wine” in her silver catsuit this Carnival, and All Rounder has all our body parts wining. Apparently too, there are lots of “tings” to wine up on...” small ting,” “big ting” and even “Tong Ting.” These “tings” appear to include police vehicles, according to a You Reporter, who recorded some individuals who seem to hold our police force in such high regard that they “honoured” them with their vulgar talents.
Wining has truly evolved and this year marks a pinnacle, for I just don’t know where wining can go from here. We certainly have all been educated in the latest techniques of this artform through this year’s soca. I have not attempted to follow the wining instructions in the songs, nor will I be doing so. Indeed the instructions are many! All I needed was to see Machel’s dancers at One Fete and All Rounder at Soca Monarch Semifinals to get a thorough understanding of the acrobatics. No longer is it a “fas wine” “or a “slow wine.” Rather, wining now has its own terminology, with body parts named specifically for wining.

We must “make dat bumper bounce on de grong,” and “wine and bend over, drop to de grong” and be “amazing.” We must give All Rounder the neck wine, which, if you have seen his very limber dancers, seems to be a slower version of the “Dutty Wine.” Wining has become a complex fine art, and uniquely Caribbean. No longer does it seem that a wine costs just a cent, a five-cent, a ten-cent or even a dollar. I came across some information in the Internet Journal of Orthopaedic Surgery titled “Fractured Tibia and Fibula due to Erotic Dancing: A Trinidad Experience.” It was published by a few Trinidadian doctors who reported the fracture of both bones of the lower leg in two obese men due to wining. You can well imagine the cost of that kind of wining! Maybe these patients should enter Soca Monarch with “Expensive Wine.” I wonder what that wining technique would be! The doctors of this article hypothesised that wining created a downward rotational force that was enough to fracture the lower leg bones in these overweight males. They cautioned that those individuals with medical disorders affecting the quality of the bones, such as osteoporosis should be careful when performing this dance. So winers beware!

It now seems that one needs to possess a considerable number of the components of fitness in order to execute these latest wining acrobatics successfully. My colleagues and I discuss wining with our patients in the clinic. The conversation usually begins with a patient asking, “So ah could play mas?” “Well that depends,” we reply. “How exactly do you play mas’?” “Well, ah does take ah little wine an ting nah.” This then leads us to ask about the specific technique of wining used.  We have the “basic wine.” It is the simplest wine, where one stands in one spot and gently gyrates to the music, usually a groovy-type melody. The speed of the wining is slow and most patients can do this successfully without increasing their pain. All it requires is some minimal to moderate contraction of the core musculature, reasonable movement between the vertebral bones, and skillful dissociation of the lumbo-pelvic-hip complex (the ability to move the pelvis independently from the spine).

The demands on the body increase as wining speed increases. There is also the “walk and wine” where forward or backward walking is added to the above technique. This involves a bit more co-ordination and again, the demands on the body increase as the speed of the wining and walking increase. “Wining to d side” incorporates the above movements. Just make sure you wine to both sides in order to stay symmetrical! Then there is “Machel’s Madman Wine” or rather, the “Illegal Wine,” and this is where the biomechanical analysis really gets complicated! The wine is multifaceted and indeed a feat of athleticism. First of all, to wine and “drop to de grong” requires an astounding amount of hip, knee and ankle flexibility. His dancers then display their impressive core strength by assuming a plank position and “make their bumpers bounce on de grong” by thrusting their hips up and down in ballistic movements for prolonged periods. Not only is core strength required to execute such acrobatics, but the muscle endurance and aerobic conditioning the exhibition requires is quite demanding. No wonder these dancers stay slim and limber.

The “hand-stand wine,” also proudly and confidently displayed by Machel’s “poom-poom” shorts-clad gymnasts, has brought great entertainment and jaw-dropping disbelief to the local and international population. The core control and shoulder stability required to maintain a hand-stand, while simultaneously gyrating one’s pelvis as the legs are controlled overhead must leave foreigners thunderstruck, ranting about such “erotic” Trini “winery” to friends long after they have returned to the cold. I now understand this obsession Trinis have with fitness at Carnival time. It is more than simply wanting to look good and withstand both days of revelry…getting fit is necessary in order to be able to wine! So maybe I will no longer become annoyed at the last minute crowds overwhelming Lady Chancellor or the Savannah six weeks before Carnival…after all, these are the same individuals who amuse us with their wining antics, and they certainly need to be fit in order to do so! So no matter how you decide to advantage the stage, be it wining to d side or getting on “wotless eeen de mas” try to avoid “making ah jail”…or the hospital!