1. Your man forgot his cell phone at your place. You:
a) Leave a message on his land line to pick it up in the morning, then turn it off and toss it into a drawer.
b) Casually scroll through his address book to see if any names ring a bell...or raise a red flag.
c) Comb through his inbox, outbox, call log, photos and files. Back up any and all incriminating evidence to your laptop to use as ammunition when you're ready for a showdown.
2. You invite a new man over for a home-cooked meal...then you remember you can't toast hops. You:
a) Hand him a glass of wine and invite him into the kitchen to make a simple meal of omlettes, French bread, and fresh fruit.
b) Buy a rotisserie chicken and a nice dessert, phone your mother, and get her to walk you through the preparation of two idiot-proof side dishes.
c) Order a stupendous catered meal, transfer it to your own dishes, and then meet him at the door in a stained apron, fanning yourself as if you've been in the kitchen all day.
3. You call his home phone late at night and a woman answers. You:
a) Assume you have the wrong number and apologise.
b) Politely ask who you're speaking to, and if it's anyone other than his sister, aunt or cousin, make up your mind to raise it with him next day.
c) Adopt an official tone, announce that you're calling from the nearest police station, and ask her to remind him that he's due to check in with you next morning. Insist that the law frowns upon people missing their appointments, especially with sex-related offences.
4. You stumble across his day planner. You:
a) Go straight to the map of the world on the inside front cover. You always wanted to know where Malawi was.
b) Circle your birthday in red ink, along with the number of your favourite restaurant.
c) Try to track his whereabouts every Saturday night he wasn't with you over the past 3 months.
5. Of COURSE you go through his medicine cabinet. You're looking for:
a) Mouthwash, so your breath will be minty fresh when you kiss him.
b) Evidence of any icky rashes or infections he might have. Forewarned is forearmed.
c) His condom stash, which you count and make a note of, so you'll know next time you're there if any are missing.
6. Your new man's a goalie with his rugby club. You don't know a ball-back from a flapjack, but he wants you to watch him play. You:
a) Tell him honestly you're not a sports fan, but offer to help him "cool off" after the game.
b) Go to the game, cheer when appropriate, but sneak peeks at the novel on your lap when you can.
c) Go to the game...and slip your number to the other team's captain. What? It's not your fault you can't resist a man in a slammin' jersey!
7. The way to a man's heart is through his mother. You:
a) Take her to a lovely tea, so she can see what decent, well-bred lady you are.
b) Take her to a children's dance recital, to whet her appetite for grandchildren.
c) Confide in her that you're worried he might be considering experimenting with drugs/gambling/homosexuality, and ponder out loud if a more stable situation, like marriage, for instance, can keep a man on the straight and narrow. Then sit back and let the games begin.
RATING:
Mostly As –
When wings start sprouting between your shoulder blades, call the Guardian. We'll be right over with a camera.
Mostly Bs –
You're normal. Boring, but normal. We'd even trust you around our husbands...but only in daylight and for an hour or two at a time.
Mostly Cs –
Honey, if you ran for President of the Mean Girls' Club, you'd be voted in by a landslide.