As a young graduate student I read the book The Turning Point, by Fritjof Capra. Although I'm sure it contained many good points, one stuck with me over these many years. Capra discussed the fact that societies that see an early demise are those where the people who hold the power no longer know how to wield it effectively – yet won't share it with those who might help to make things better. As I look around the world and see poverty, war, and cities in decline I can't help but wonder what the world would be like if there were more women in leadership roles. We live in a day and age when women's unique brand of leadership isn't just needed – it's essential. For centuries women have made superb leaders – but they haven't always been given credit for their accomplishments nor have they been so bold as to call themselves "leaders." How many Australians know the names Josephine Butler, Serena Lake, or Edith Cowan? Traditionally, women have been content to create change behind the scenes, using influence, not muscle. As the saying goes, "behind every great man stands a great woman." But if ever there was a time for women to step out from behind the scenes, from behind the man, or from behind her own veil of modesty, that time is now... and you are the woman.
A woman's way of leading hasn't always been valued, but there's a change occurring in society that people are hesitant to talk about. It's what I call the feminisation of leadership. To discuss it openly would mean challenging how we have traditionally looked at leadership – and followership. It would also require embracing a concept that many people find threatening: command and control, top-down leadership no longer works. When someone in authority says jump – employees, children, and volunteers no longer reply, "how high?" The truth is, what followers expect from leaders in the first decade of the 21st century – and perhaps beyond – are the behaviors and characteristics that women have traditionally been socialised to exhibit. It doesn't mean that men can't or don't display these qualities, but rather that women tend to do so with greater ease, confidence, and comfort – so long as it's not called the L-word: leadership.
The changing face of leadership is threatening to men because it requires thinking about it in a way that is counter to their own socialisation and, in some cases, education. Similarly, women may feel threatened because it asks them to begin assuming responsibility in ways they may have never before considered and to call attention to skills they have been admonished to hide. "Nice girls" have a particularly difficult time assuming leadership roles and doing it effectively. When they do, they often try to make everyone happy (which as you know is impossible), delay decision-making by trying to get everyone's buy-in, hesitate to take necessary risks for fear of offending the powers that be, and communicate in ways that undermine their confidence and credibility. Ironically, each of these behaviors could work to the advantage of women – if only they would balance them with new behaviors that contribute to more effective leadership. In other words, stepping fully away from the nice girl messages learned in childhood, and into adulthood, is all it would take for a woman to be a phenomenal leader for this age.
Think about it. Any mother who has ever had to get three different children to three different events, pick up the dry-cleaning, do the grocery shopping, and prepare a gourmet meal for guests – all on a Saturday – knows about strategy and tactics. When it comes to risk-taking, every time a woman opens her mouth in a meeting she's taking a risk. And if you've raised children who are drug-free and productive, you've been superbly influential! Each of these, and the other three behaviors at which we excel, are essential ingredients for today's leader – and why I say leadership is a woman's art. The time has come for us to openly and proudly demonstrate these leadership talents to make an even greater difference in our workplaces, our communities, and in the world. You may not aspire to become CEO of your company or Executive Director of the nonprofit organisation for which you work, but your leadership is needed if you hope to leave a legacy of a healthier society for our sons and daughters.
Let me give you ten tips to help you step confidently and courageously into your leadership zone.
1. Articulate your leadership vision.
Write down what you want people to say about you when you leave a room. Fill in the blank, "She's a leader who ___________." Be as specific as possible. Include what you want to do, how you want to do it and what people will get out of doing it with you. Then act in ways to make it a reality.
2. Develop your strategy.
Whether it's a problem you're solving or a change in direction you want to undertake, develop your overarching strategy for addressing the challenge before diving in. Avoid the tendency to approach everything with a high sense of urgency or to jump to action before thinking through a situation. Strategy takes time.
3. Resist perfectionism.
We've all heard the saying, "a woman has to work twice as hard to be considered half as good." Don't let it guide your actions. Thinking that you have to be perfect causes your strategic thinking and willingness to take risks to be constricted. The balance of strategic thinking and tactical implementation is by nature imperfect – and always a risk.
4. Get to the point.
Women have the tendency to use far more words than needed when influencing. The more words used always softens a message. The fewer words used strengthens a message. Keep in mind the maxim, "short sounds confident." Begin your communications with the one statement you would want others to remember if you had only enough time to say that. Rather than continue speaking ask, "Do you have any questions?" or "Have I made myself clear?"
5. Get in the risk game.
If you're one of those people who always play it safe, you've got to exercise your risk muscle. You can do this by taking small personal risks and learning that the results are rarely catastrophic. The next time someone asks for your opinion, and you know it's contrary to that person's viewpoint, take the risk of putting your perspective on the table rather than take the path of least resistance by agreeing or saying you have no opinion. When you're in a meeting with people who tend to be more verbal than you are, take the risk of jumping into the debate rather than waiting for "just the right moment." There are plenty of ways in which you can gradually get beyond your self-imposed comfort zone.
6. Volunteer to make formal and informal presentations.
People often tell me I'm a great public speaker. I'm always honored and flattered by the feedback, but the fact of the matter is practice makes perfect (or a close approximation). From the time I was President of my high school junior and senior classes, I've been in front of a microphone. When circumstances keep me from speaking for any length of time, I'm as anxious as the next person when I have to walk up to the podium and begin a presentation. If you want to become really good at influencing others, seize every opportunity to go outside your comfort zone and speak before large and small groups. Also consider joining Toastmasters International.
7. Talk about teamwork – constantly.
Just because you want your team to play nicely together in the sandbox doesn't mean they will. Talk about team goals and your expectations about teamwork at every opportunity. And while you're at it, define team "rules." Every game has a set of rules by which it operates. Even families have implicit and explicit rules for expected behaviors. Team rules create a safe environment for team members to speak up, be honest, and contribute to their maximum capability. They should be developed with the team, not for it.
8. Solicit 360 degree feedback.
There really is no better way to have the mirror held up so that you can see yourself as others see you. Asking three simple questions will yield a wealth of information – usually about behaviors related to emotional intelligence: What do I do well that I should continue doing? What can I do more of to be even more effective? What can I do less of to be even more effective? As with any kind of feedback or survey, be prepared to take action.
9. Read It's All Politics: Winning in a World Where Hard Work and Talent Aren't Enough. Many women avoid workplace politics because they view it as unseemly or manipulative. Author Kathleen Kelly Reardon brilliantly dissects the meaning of workplace politics and offers practical ways to achieve it. Her refreshing perspective will help you to overcome your hesitance about being better at politics.
10. Balance your natural leadership skills with new behaviors. Women are good at influencing with the least muscle necessary, building collaborative teams, and bringing out the best in people through coaching. Combine these with more direct and assertive communication, deliberate decision-making, and an increased understanding of the political landscape of your company culture and you'll be the leader you were destined to become.
I've identified six specific behaviors at which women excel as a result of their socialisation and nature:
1. The ability to balance strategy and tactics.
2. The willingness to take risks.
3. Skill in influencing with or without authority.
4. The ability to coach people to their best performance.
5. Team building know-how.
6. Superior emotional Intelligence.
Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D. is President of Corporate Coaching International, a Los Angeles consulting firm, and author of the international bestsellers Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office, Nice Girls Don't Get Rich, and Nice Girls Just Don't Get It. She will be in Trinidad on October 18th 2011, for the Arthur Lok Jack Graduate School of Business' "Women in Leadership Conference." For more information on this please contact the Conferencing Unit at 645-6700 ext 299 or conferencing@gsb.tt or log on to the website at www.lokjackgsb.org.
