When your friends lead double lives

Oh, how we all love secret superheroes: mousy little Selina Kyle donning a skin-tight Catwoman costume and purring as she teaches Gotham City's bad guys a lesson.  On-screen, double lives make us root and cheer. Back here on Planet Reality, however, finding out that someone you care about is leading a double life, can be upsetting.  You'll probably never fall in love with a nice-but-boring guy and then discover rocket-powered boots in his closet, but at some point you'll run into someone with a dirty little secret.  Here are a few examples, and how to deal with them.

Your man's got kids you don't know about
He neglected to tell you he has a child living in the next town.  Before you pronounce him a rat and tell him to stay away from your cheese, ask yourself WHY he failed to mention this over the past five or ten dates. If he was hiding his extra baggage to make it easier to get with you, ask yourself if there are other areas where he hasn't been completely honest.  Does he have any communicable diseases or bad habits he hasn't 'fessed up to? But if he has a policy about protecting his children from his dates until he's sure he's in a solid relationship, cut the man some slack.

Your girlfriend's flaunting expensive stuff...but hasn't got a penny
Your friend rocks the hottest styles, hits all the trendy parties and gives away expensive presents.  You're half-convinced a rich uncle left her his estate...until you find out she lives in her grandmother's back room and survives on ramen. Before you sneer at her duplicity, do a little cold, hard analysis.  Is she just being one of those creatures that rhyme with 'witch', glad to make others feel small, or is she so embarrassed by her humble origins that she feels the need to overcompensate?  If so, be kind.

Take a look in the mirror
If you feel someone's taken you for a fool, it's hard not to feel offended.  It's natural to want to lash out when you find someone wasn't who you thought they were.  But do a little self-examination first.  Haven't you ever made out that you were more important, better, smarter, better paid than you really were?  Haven't you ever fudged the truth to impress someone you cared about? There: you've put yourself in someone else's shoes.  Sobering, huh?  So before you lash out...try a little understanding.  Maybe their crime won't seem so heinous after all.