Battle of the Sexes

When two people decide to integrate their lives there is the challenge of accommodating their individual styles and furnishings. Very often the issue of decorating is settled with one party feeling that they surrendered to the other, or the décor suffers because no definitive design direction is made. Indeed there will need to be a healthy dose of compromise, but it is possible to have a win-win situation. Determine common ground. First, do not focus on the differences. Establish where you have common ground. You may not like the same colours, but you may like the same intensity.  Do you like similar colours? Do you want the same feel in the rooms, even though you disagree with how to achieve it?  Focus on the similarities. Decide on a colour scheme. Colour is probably the single most important determinant on the mood of a room. For wall colour I recommend that you keep it neutral. Select a neutral with some depth. So stick to medium and deep tones rather than very light neutrals or pastels. This will provide a perfect backdrop for merging different styles and colours into a cohesive whole. If you have different styles in flooring, also select neutral flooring. 

 

Shop together. 

If purchasing new pieces shop together. Be clear on what you are looking for before you start out. Be clear on what you absolutely hate and what you absolutely adore. Let your partner know what is important to you and what you value and establish what you are willing to compromise on. The key is a spirit of compromise and fairness. Peruse magazines, the internet, etc., to help with the decision and communication process, and then dive into the shopping process. Expect further compromises, because you seldom find exactly what you are looking for when you shop. Respect each other’s thoughts and preferences. Do not make costly or large purchases without your partner’s input.

 

Select gender neutral items. 

Especially in the more public spaces, go easy on the frilly pinks, froufrou and overly feminine shapes. But soften the hard masculine lines. If he wants the big TV recliner, you can compromise by choosing one in cleaner, sleeker lines in a colour you both like in leather; Masculine, but pleasing for both. Ensure that it is comfortable for him. Plus, having a special chair will keep him off the chairs you will prefer he stays out of. You can probably purchase other seating that you prefer that maybe will not stand up to the way he uses a chair (know what I mean?).  Instead of small floral fabric, select geometrics, larger modern florals, stripes and abstract fabric. If you cannot agree on patterns, consider textural fabrics such as ultra-suede, linens, etc. Keep gender specific items to a minimum.

 

Mixture is good. 

If managed well, having a mixture of normally divergent styles and colour can make a very interesting and pleasing décor.  The key is to have consciously pay attention to balance between the décor elements. If you maintain an essentially neutral backdrop, you will have ample opportunity for the expression of individual style in accessory items. Before discarding items consider refinishing by repainting or reupholstering, for instance. This is actually the ‘greener’ decision. If you cannot agree on the design, you may be able to agree on the colour and make the choice more palatable. These challenges in choice will result in a décor with depth and interest that will delight the senses and will never be boring.

 

Create balance. 

The key is for each individual to have a balanced input into the décor of the space. Both should feel comfortable and part of the space. But both should also feel that they are sharing the space equally.