When we think of Empty Nesters, we envisage an older couple with more house than is required. The children have moved on and are out of the nest, leaving empty rooms and lots of memories and memorabilia. The home no longer fits their lifestyle and is often too much to maintain. But, there is another type of Empty Nester that we seldom consider – the divorced person.
The woman often gets custody of the kids, the old furniture and the home and the man is left to find alternative accommodation. The divorced woman may have some of the challenges of the older couple. But the divorced gentleman's home is often sparse.
Today, I have some decorating advice for our Empty Nesters.
The Older Couple.
It's time to downsize and simplify. You may be looking for a smaller yard, a smaller house, fewer items, and a simpler life. Be aware, that even though you may not be doing the activities that you did before, you may replace them with others. You may not have homework going on in the library or the kitchen table, but you may need space for a new hobby.
You may not need a large manicured lawn, but you may want to begin a vegetable or flower garden. Now is the time to explore new things and activities that you wish you could have done when the children were young or when you were firmly engrossed in your career.
It is also the time to explore décor ideas that you'd always wanted to, but didn't for whatever reason. Most decorators recommend that you de-clutter. Indeed, if you keep your memorabilia in a box in some obscure place, I cannot truly categorise them as memories or things with sentimental value. After all, you may not even remember where they are and what they look like.
So if something is forgotten, how can it be a treasured memory? I do not advocate throwing everything away though. Familiar surroundings and familiar things make the space cosy and comfortable. The key is making a conscious choice to keep and incorporate the things that are functional and mean the most to you as a couple.
The Divorced Lady.
You may have the house full of memories of your life together; memories you'd rather not have. I encourage you to get rid of or leave behind anything you hate or anything that gives you a 'bad vibe'. Replace them, if necessary, with items that are uniquely you and things that you absolutely adore – a fresh beginning. Only surround yourself with treasures and memories that make you feel good! Marriage is always a compromise. Now that you are single, get precisely what you want.
Paint your walls in a new and 'very you' colour. Nothing gives a space a facelift like paint. A good place to begin is the master bedroom. And – get new bedding! (Enough said.) Pay attention to lighting: natural and artificial. Well lit spaces seem less depressing.
The Divorced Gentleman.
While the women often have to deal with old furniture, the men have none. They frequently begin from scratch. That could mean brand new furniture, or series of hand offs from family and friends. It often spells stark, however. The men typically purchase matching suites and sets because they do not want to be bothered with (or do not see) the bigger picture. Boring! The divorced man often needs help to feather the nest comfortably. This is critical if the kids visit. Dad's pad should me a home, not a camp experience.
Men typically use the opportunity to carve out a masculine space. They typically have more style than their bachelor counterpart. They have a stronger sense of what they like and an even stronger appreciation of what they do not like. The newly divorced man also craves simplicity: A lighter feeling than all the trappings of the marriage and the permanent décor of the marriage nest. They may still have to entertain for work or otherwise. My advice, don't let your ex-wife pity you. Design a space that demonstrates that you have it together. Demonstrate how your taste and style has matured.
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