We don't like to think about it, and we certainly don't like to talk about it, but the stats are out there: at some point in the course of our lives, either we or one of our sister-friends is going to get seriously ill. Not down with the flu, not flat on our backs with a pesky virus, but the kind of illness that forces us to re-look our lives and put our priorities into perspective.
There's a lot out there about how to overcome the initial shock, and how to go through the stages of denial, fear and acceptance. But then comes day-to-day living...and that's when things get thorny. How do we keep it together when we or someone we love comes down with a dread disease? Educate yourself Find out as much as you can about the illness, especially if it's one of the big ones that everybody has an opinion about.
Most of the times, those opinions are built on nothing but gossip and bunk. In illness, as in many other things, the best defence is information. Deal with survivor's guilt Even the most loyal woman, who would drive her girlfriend to chemo treatments and help her pick out scarves to cover her thinning hair, can't help but feel a sense of relief that the finger of Fate pointed to someone else instead of her.
And that sense of relief is immediately followed by the conviction that you are the world's worst friend. Don't feel bad. It's normal. Our survival instinct outweighs almost everything else, and there's nothing wrong with being glad to be healthy and alive.
What's important is that you're there, giving your support. If you're the one going through the illness, the occasional sting of jealousy when your girlfriends get to live their lives in ways you can't is normal, too.
Be grateful that they're there for you, and celebrate their successes with them. Man trouble According to Mr. Rajendra Rampaul, Consultant Oncoplastic Reconstructive and Cosmetic Breast Surgeon at The Breast Centre in West Shore Medical Centre, the abandonment rate by Trini men is very high among women who have breast cancer. "Trinidadian men don't know how to cope with wives who have been disfigured or scarred," he explains.
"It's no different whether they have been burned or have lost a breast." The solution to this painful dilemma is to open up the lines of communication early, to talk it through with your man, even to get couple's counselling, to get these fears out into the open. We also need to remember, Rampaul says, that diseases like cancer aren't a death sentence anymore; not only can they be managed or cured, but reconstructive surgery can make you look as good as-or even better than-you did before.
And if you're the shoulder your sick friend leans on inn this scenario, it's your job to remind her that the relationship can survive, even thrive, though loving communication. Girly-time is a must Know how good you feel when you get your hair and nails done?
Think of how great a spa day would feel to someone who's dealing with the emotional upheaval and physical toll of illness. Why don't you and the girls step out and pamper yourselves? It would rejuvenate you both, in mind, body and spirit Remember, you aren't defined by illness, and you can't let it consume you.
It doesn't mean that it isn't scary, or worrying, or even painful. It just means that you have to find creative ways, some big and some small, to help overcome the trials. We wouldn't wish the shadow of grave illness to fall on anyone's doorstep, but if it does, some of the best resources to rely on are the same girlfriends who were there beside you when things went well, and celebrated with you when you were on top of the world.
