MAKE new friends & enrich your LIFE

We all feel lonely sometimes, even in the midst of a crowd. Old friends drift away, migrate, or become so engrossed in their own issues that they have less time for us, and we find ourselves with too many Saturday nights indoors with a book, and too many heartaches that can’t be lessened by sharing. You know it’s time to welcome new faces into your life, but the pessimist in you sneers at the idea.  This isn’t a school playground, and ‘making new friends’ is easier said than done. Winning friends can be hard, but it’s doable, and the rewards are beyond measure.  Here are a few hints on how to get started.

 

Get off your tail. Sitting around burying your loneliness under a mudslide of chocolate ice-cream might make you feel better, but it won’t solve the problem. It will also make you fat. Not a party animal?  There are many ways to get out and mingle that don’t involve loud music and a cover charge. Take a class, read to sick children, help feed the poor, go back to church.  If you’re handy with a glue gun, offer to stick on pailettes at your local Mas Camp.  All these experiences are full of potential for meeting people like you...or people so different you just have to get to know them better. 

 

Shift your focus. Notice we didn’t say “lower your standards” or put yourself in a position where you might feel uncomfortable.  But if all your friends look like they’ve been stamped out with a cookie cutter, it’s time to widen your horizons. If you’re the type to say, “I could never be friends with someone who (insert blind prejudice here)”, it’s time to widen your net.  Vegetarians and carnivores can be friends.  Friendship is possible across divides of age, gender, sexuality, education, creed, class, race, or any other categorisation you feel is keeping you from getting to know someone. What’s more, your new acquaintances will probably bring a fresh perspective, which could shake up the way you think, feel and act.

  

Be a good friend.  Be the kind of person you’d like to have for a friend.  Call it karma, call it casting your bread upon the waters, but if you’re nice to people they will be nice to you.  Smile.  Offer to do little favours without expecting anything in return.  Be honest, trustworthy and on time.  Smother gossip; you don’t want anyone wondering what you’re saying behind their backs about THEM.  Forgive them their trespasses, as you would have them forgive yours. 

 

Get a makeover. This isn’t as shallow as it sounds. You don’t need a haircut or smart new gear to impress people, but it does help boost your self-esteem, and if you feel more confident on the inside, you’ll look more confident on the outside. People are as attracted to a positive attitude and a sense of self-assurance as moths are to the porch light.  When you walk taller, others sit up and take notice.

 

Don’t try too hard. The only thing that stinks worse than stale sweat is desperation.  Don’t go overboard trying to ‘sell’ yourself to a potential friend, and for heaven’s sake, take it slow and easy.  Stalking is uncool.  Don’t turn into the kind of person people block on their cell phones. Enjoy each encounter for what it is; a brief peek into the life of another human being.  If you click, great.  If you end up passing each other like ships in the night, don’t blame yourself.  The philosophy of “He’s just not that into you,” made famous by the Sex and the City foursome doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships.  It holds good for friendships too.  Consider yourself enriched for having met them, and move on.

 

Change how you see your 

situation. The difference between ‘loneliness’ and ‘solitude’ is simply a matter of perspective. Don’t spend so much time trying to be part of a posse that you lose sight of yourself as an individual. Friends are great: we need them, enjoy them, and even rely on them. But every now and then we need to spend time with the one friend who’s always there for us and with us: ourselves.